What Do You Do When You Are Lost After a Big Upset in Life?

Episode 80: Join me for this episode, where I talk about finding yourself when you feel lost after a big setback in life.


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Show Notes:

*PLEASE NOTE: This episode has a couple of spots with profane language. Best not to listen when kiddos are in earshot!*

Speedbumps in life happen to the best of us and oftentimes an upset makes us feel lost.

In this episode, I talk about how you’re not actually “lost” – you just need to dig beneath the surface of all of the conditioning, limiting beliefs, Stories, expectations, and “shoulds” to return home to yourself.

There are three big foundational things I’m sharing in order to return to yourself:

  1. love the hell out of yourself
  2. practice awareness and mindfulness so you can notice the what triggers your limiting beliefs and thoughts, etc
  3. question the thoughts and limiting beliefs that are keeping you from feeling like you know who you are.

Listen to the full episode to get all the details!

Do you want to learn more about how I can help you come home to yourself (and live a live you LOVE)? Let’s talk!

Schedule a call at www.kortneyrivard.com/lets-talk

Thanks for tuning in! Visit https://www.kortneyrivard.com/lovelife to download a free guide on how to create a life you love!

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Transcript:

Episode 80: What to Do When You Feel Lost After A Big Upset in Life

[00:00:00] All right, everybody. Welcome back to real, brave and unstoppable. I am trying something a little new today. For those of you watching this on YouTube, I haven’t done this before but I’m going to start putting the podcasts on YouTube. So if you’re watching this, I’m not going to sit and look at the camera as they talk the whole time, because it feels kind of weird to do that. So, I’m just gonna, you know, record my podcast, like usual. 

[00:00:26] And if you’re watching on YouTube, I hope you enjoy the content. So here we go. 

[00:00:32] Today I’m going to talk about a topic that is kind of common in my world. And actually to be honest, maybe a little bit over used, or over-talked about. And not a super deep way. So, I actually want to share something a little different about it today. I’m going to talk about how to find yourself when you’re lost, or what to do when you feel lost after a big upset in life.

[00:00:53] But I have a little bit different take on it. As I was looking at other articles about finding yourself. Most people seem to approach how to find yourself when you’re lost, or what to do when you feel lost, with quick tips, like journaling or meditating, or go try new things, get out of your comfort zone, all of those things and all those are really awesome ideas. I want to be clear. 

[00:01:14] But what people forget is that you’ve never really lost yourself. She’s there. And she’s always been there. One of my favorite quotes on the planet. And. It’s so good. I’ll just read it. It’s Emily McDowell. I don’t know who Emily McDowell is, but here’s the quote about how to find yourself when you’re lost (what to do when you feel lost): 

[00:01:33] “Finding yourself is not really how it works. You aren’t a $10 bill in last year’s winter coat pocket. You are also not lost. Your true self is right there. Buried under cultural conditioning, other people’s opinions, and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid that became your beliefs about who you are. 

[00:01:58] “Finding yourself” is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning. An excavation. A remembering of who you were before the world got its hands on you.”

 So good. Seriously, one of my favorite quotes and so exactly applicable to what I want to talk about today: how to find yourself when you’re lost, or what to do when you feel lost after a big upset in life. So today I really want to impress upon you that it’s not so much about trying new things to see what you like or journaling and all of that stuff. And like I said, all of those things play into it. But it’s not so much just about those things…unless you look at what has covered up the real you. 

[00:02:44] So that’s the first part. You have to uncover the real you, and those things are tools to do that. But you have to remember that. And some of the things that have covered the real you up, like conditioning and, like Emily’s quote said, other people’s opinions, inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid. So they became your limiting beliefs. 

[00:03:07]  I sometimes call them capital S stories. It’s like a narrative that runs in your brain about yourself and how the world works. And the stories are not necessarily true. The expectations that we have of others and ourselves can play in there. The things we think we should be doing or the way we think we should be behaving all of those things. 

[00:03:30] I love this analogy, my colleague Ann who was on the show last week, she uses the analogy of glasses. When your glasses are clean, you can see perfectly what you see. What’s true for you. What’s real. But over time. Your glasses get dirty. You take on things other people tell you like the conditioning. 

[00:03:53] And you start to believe things that aren’t true. And then you believe them after a while, without even thinking about it, they just become what we think are facts when they’re really not. We tell ourselves we need to be different and the glasses get really dirty. And we can’t even see who we really are anymore, even. 

[00:04:15] So this process is about cleaning off the glasses. 

[00:04:22] And as you listen today, if you take only one thing away from this episode, I want it to be that. That you are still there. You’ve always been there. You just need to clean off your glasses so you can see her. Okay, so let’s dive in a little bit more. I’m going to tell you a story. I’ll try to be concise with this one. And I’ve told this story in, you know, one way or another several times on the show, but I’m going to tell, tell it a little bit differently today. 

[00:04:51] I grew up in a small town in Minnesota. I have one sister, one brother and when I was growing up, we had a dog. My family, both sides of my family, my mom’s side and my dad’s side, we’d all get together often. So, as kids we had a ton of fun. We were always super creative, imaginative. 

[00:05:12] We did lots of make-believe stuff and just had a great time with cousins and whatnot, brothers, sisters, you know, of course we fought like normal siblings, but it was good times. Good, good childhood. You know, and many of us can relate to that. And if you can’t that’s okay. The point is there was a time in our lives – in all of our lives 

[00:05:33] where we didn’t know that we weren’t okay. We thought that we were just fine the way that we are. And what I mean is of course, you know, we all ARE okay. You know, we’ve always been okay and we still are, but the people around us, whether they meant to, or not, they made us feel like we weren’t. 

[00:05:55] They made us feel like we should be different. It’s kind of like the castle analogy that I used last week… so I’ll tell you briefly what that is. It’s like, just pretend that you have this beautiful castle and it’s filled with a lot of different rooms and they’re all gorgeous. And they’re equally perfect in their own way. 

[00:06:16] And, you know, this is our castle, and we love all of the rooms equally. We think they’re all perfect. And we’re super happy with our castle. But then someone comes over and sees one of the rooms and says, “you know, that room it’s not perfect. Like something’s wrong with that room? And if you want to have a perfect castle, you should probably lock the door to that room and don’t let anyone see it.”

[00:06:43] So, you know, because we want to belong, we want to fit in and we want to be loved, we lock the door. We don’t want anyone to see that – we don’t want anyone to see our yucky room. And so soon, you know, more people come over and see the castle and they give their opinions and pretty soon we’ve locked away all these rooms. 

[00:07:03] And, you know, somebody says you should really get rid of those rooms. But you can’t do that because they’re part of the structure of the castle. So, you’re stuck with them. And you work really hard to just forget them so nobody can see them, not even you and over time, you’ve forgotten them. You’ve forgotten some of those rooms that make your castle YOUR castle and you’ve forgotten some of the things that make you, YOU. 

[00:07:30] So this is about unlocking those doors. 

So, as I grew up, I learned things about myself. I learned it’s not okay to be a know-it-all. You have to do things exactly the right way for them to count. The way to get positive attention is to do things extra well to all the things well, and that will offset any mistakes. 

[00:07:54] As long as you’re getting praise from others, then you’re good enough. That’s fine. Just, just keep going for that. 

[00:08:01] And I want to be clear because I know my mom is listening. 

[00:08:05] I am not blaming my parents for this. This is just what happens when you grow up. It’s parents, it’s teachers it’s, you know, other adults in your lives. It’s society, it’s cultural conditioning, it’s all the things. No one is exempt from this. It just happens. Right. So those are some examples. So, over the course of my childhood, I gradually took on this identity of the perfect good girl who excelled at everything she tried. She didn’t fuck up. She impressed the hell out of everyone. And if I wasn’t doing that, I felt an incredible amount of shame. 

[00:08:42] So I became that person who had to do everything perfect. 

But that’s not who I really am. 

[00:08:51] In college. I hated myself so much. I had an eating disorder. I thought I was fat. I didn’t think I was pretty. I was an aerospace engineering major. I didn’t get straight A’s anymore because it was a lot harder… It makes sense but didn’t make sense to me. So, I felt like a huge failure. I felt like less than everyone else, even though I was like still in the top portion of my class,

[00:09:18] I took on the identity of someone who was a complete mess. Someone who felt fat, not pretty failing, sucking at everything. 

[00:09:27] But that’s not really who I am either. 

[00:09:31] So the next step. I got a coveted internship with the Boeing company in Seattle. Only two people, two people from my university of Minnesota engineering college got these internships. Right. So, of course that feels good. Yet I’m still the person who isn’t smart enough. I’m also still the person who isn’t pretty enough or thin enough. 

[00:09:58] And, and it was here in Seattle during that internship that I met my ex-husband. But that’s not really who I am either. So, I graduated. I was offered three amazing jobs, all paying really well. And I was proud, yet I always had this disqualifier like, well, I only got that offer probably because I’m a woman or I got the Boeing job only because I did the internship. 

[00:10:23] I always had some excuse that made it. Not really that big of a deal, you know, or I’m not really smart enough. What if, what if they find out I’m not, you know, the good old imposter syndrome. So I moved to Seattle to work for Boeing. Got engaged to my now ex-husband. And now I was a woman who was wanted, I was wanted by a man. I was wanted by companies. 

[00:10:49] But that’s not who I am either. 

So then came marriage, kids, the dogs, the house, the American dream. I became a wife, a mom, a homeowner. I even bought a horse. So I was a horse owner and a person who spent a lot of money on horse showing. I owned a beautiful home, had a beautiful family, all the things that I thought would make me a complete person. 

[00:11:15] And none of those things are really who I am. 

I lost my marriage. I lost my traditional family, quote, unquote, traditional lost the beautiful home, the horse, the friends, all the things. And those things, aren’t who I am either. So, do you see where I’m going with this? At each of these stages, I identified with my situation. 

[00:11:39] I identified with what I had and what was happening. But none of that is who I am, and it never was. 

[00:11:49] When I got divorced, I went through this really big identity crisis. I had no idea who the hell I even was anymore without this life that I tangibly had, but I had also constructed in my mind. That this is the way that things, quote unquote, should be there also the way I wanted them. So when things exploded or I usually, I guess when I say my life imploded exploded, however you want to say it, it became a chaotic mess,

[00:12:18] I really struggled because I had made myself into all of these things that were now gone. Without them I didn’t know what to do. I had forgotten how to stay in touch with the person that I really am, who I really am. So, thank God. I decided to be a life coach. 

[00:12:41] So I have some tools that are helpful, but let’s come back to that quote I read earlier by Emily McDowell. I felt very lost after my divorce. But I was never lost. I had just gotten my glasses really dirty and I didn’t even realize that they were dirty. I didn’t realize that I needed to clean them. 

[00:13:05] So I had to unlearn this. I had to unlearn all the things that I thought were true about me. I had to dig in and look at the things I thought were truths and I needed to, I needed to examine them to get curious about them. And entertain the idea that they might not be true. 

[00:13:25] Another one of my favorite quotes is from the book, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I love that book. You must, must, must read it. Super easy read, go like go buy it on Amazon. Buy the hard copy because you’ll read it over and over and over again. It’s so good. But the quote is “maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming, everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” 

[00:13:55] Yeah, I love that quote so much. 

[00:13:58] And it’s exactly what I’m talking about. And it’s funny because I think, you know, we’re taught from a very young age that we’re supposed to become something. You know, what do you want to be when you grow up? And it’s drilled into us that success is important. Safety is important. 

[00:14:18] You want to get to a place where you have something, you are something. And then, you know, you get to a point in your life. Where you realize that that’s not really working. Some people figure out why, and some people just keep doing that for the rest of their lives. But if you do realize, if you do get to that point and realize that’s not working, and you want to find what does work,

[00:14:43] then you start to do some work on yourself and you realize that you’ve built up quite a layer of grime on your glasses. So, what do you do? It seems a little overwhelming. It can feel super overwhelming. I know I’ve been there. Well, first, what I want to say is that when you go through life, not knowing who you are, 

[00:15:02] you’re going to feel some things that don’t feel so great. You’re going to lack true self-confidence. Your self-esteem might not be great. I was there. I had that. You’re also going to have a hard time knowing what you stand for. What’s important to you, and you’re going to have a hard time using your voice to speak your truth. 

[00:15:24] You might have friends that you don’t really click with. You might find yourself feeling like every day as the same, like it’s Groundhog Day over and over and over again. If you’ve seen that movie with Bill Murray, you know what I’m talking about. Otherwise, it’s like you’re on some kind of treadmill or hamster wheel where it’s just, you’re going around and around and around and nothing is different. Boom, boom, boom. People who don’t know who they are, feel stuck in one way or another. And generally, it’s really hard for them to get unstuck because they don’t really know where to start. 

[00:15:57] Been there done that. Super lost. That’s where the lost feeling comes from. Which way do I go? I like to talk about it like a map. If you think about it, like you’re in a shopping mall or, you know, somewhere where there’s a big, you are here, thing on the map. But, you know, sometimes it’s kind of hard to get your bearings and figure out like, 

[00:16:19] where that actually relates, or sometimes you have to like look to even find the little spot that says you are here on the map. And sometimes like, you don’t even have that. Right? So sometimes your map is just a map and you just got to find out there’s no, “you are here” thing. It’s even more work to figure it out. 

[00:16:37] So I like to think about it like that. 

[00:16:40] Feeling lost. You’ve just got to find your place on the map. That’s the first step. 

[00:16:46] So really returning to yourself and what’s absolutely true for you is going to help you do that. And it’s going to change your life like you can’t even imagine. You will have more confidence, courage, your self-esteem and your self- concept will be strong, which means you’ll believe in yourself more. 

[00:17:09] A lot of times when people go through something like I’ve been through worry about making it on their own. You’ll find belief – you’ll believe that you can. You’ll trust yourself that you can. You’ll find friends that offer more soul connection, and that will help you build a stronger support system and have more fun. 

[00:17:27] You won’t be as afraid to get out of your comfort zone because you’re always going to have your own back. And one thing that I really love about coming home to yourself, returning to yourself is this feeling of inner stillness, inner peace. It’s a sort of grounded-ness, it’s kind of hard to explain. 

[00:17:47] But even when things are hard, you just have this deep knowing that things are okay. It’s an eerie feeling if you haven’t ever felt that way before. But after all I’ve been through, I really can say that even when I’m in a rough patch and I’m having emotions and all the hard things. 

[00:18:06] I still have this just solidness about me that I know I have my own back. I know I can handle it and I’ll be okay. It’s beautiful. 

[00:18:17] You will always know your next right step. Always, instead of being paralyzed trying to figure it out. You’ll be able to listen to and trust your beautiful intuition. And you’ll be able to lead with your heart – with love – rather than just logic and negativity spinning in your mind. 

[00:18:38] There’s so much possibility when you come home to yourself and choose yourself fiercely. 

So back to what to do when you feel lost, though.  How do you find yourself when you’re lost? What do you do when you feel lost after a big upset in life?

[00:18:51] What do you do when you don’t know where to start to return to yourself? I’m going to give you some ideas and these are not the standard. Like when you Google this and read an article, how do I find myself when I feel lost? There are some pretty simple things there, like, you know, find your values, journal, meditate, get out of your comfort zone, and all of those things. Yes, yes. 

[00:19:12] Yes. Those are great ideas, but it’s a little bigger than that. And I want to give you like, kind of the foundation where you need to start, and those tools, journaling, meditation, getting out of your comfort zone, trying new things, meeting new people. Those are all things that will help you, but you must start with the foundation. 

[00:19:32] So the first thing is highly, highly, highly important. You have to love the hell out of yourself. Okay. You have to work on loving all the parts of you. Even the ones that are not very easy to love. These are the things that you’ve deemed unacceptable, or others have told you are unacceptable. Remember the castle. 

[00:19:58] Those are the rooms that you’ve locked away. You have to open up all of the rooms, whether or not they’re shiny, you know, whether they’re shiny or dirty, you have to open them all up. No apologizing for the dirty cellar, right? No apologizing for the clutter or the dust or the windows that have fingerprints and streaks. 

[00:20:17] You follow me. Self-love can feel hard. But it’s only because we’ve been trained that we shouldn’t love all the parts. We’re trained that we should apologize for parts of ourselves. 

[00:20:32] So to get started with loving all the parts of you. I recommend a journal to record your thoughts. And what I like to do here is do a brain dump into my journal. What are all the thoughts I’m having? Good ones, bad ones, negative ones, critical ones. All the thoughts. 

[00:20:56] A couple of things. First, personally, and for a lot of people that I work with. Just the act of doing that makes you feel a little less anxious because you’re able to get it all… I think sometimes it feels like all that stuff is swirling in our head and we can get it out on paper. It just doesn’t feel so

[00:21:17] overwhelming. 

[00:21:19] And the second part of it is when you do that, when you get all those thoughts out, You’re going to start to just, you know, you just start to notice what’s happening in your brain. So you can actually just kind of start to witness what’s happening up there. When it’s running on autopilot in your brain, you’re not going to notice any patterns. You’re not going to really pick apart. You’re not going to notice a particular thought that is happening over and over again. 

[00:21:47] So right now, you just start to notice that, write those thoughts down and show yourself a little love for the part of you that has those thoughts. Just a little compassion for now. It’s a practice, your love and your compassion for those parts of you will grow as you keep practicing this. Okay. So, the first thing….

[00:22:07] you got to love all the parts and it’s a practice. It doesn’t happen overnight. Okay. I still work on it. I’ve been working on it for a while. And there are still parts of me I’m discovering that I really need to work on loving. 

[00:22:21] The second thing. And this is along the lines of noticing, I already mentioned, uh, journaling, and I’m going to expand on that a little bit more in a second, but just staying present or mindful is really, really helpful. , you know, you just want to pay attention to your thoughts and your feelings and just notice what’s coming up. 

[00:22:42] What triggered your thought? That’s a big one. What triggered it? So let’s take one circumstance, for example. One circumstance like. 

[00:22:54] They only had chocolate ice cream. At. Just say Jimmy cone. That’s where I live. There’s like this awesome ice cream place called Jimmy cone. So they only had chocolate ice cream. One person is going to be ecstatic that there was only chocolate ice cream. Cause that’s their favorite ice cream in the whole world. 

[00:23:13] Another person is going to be pissed off because they really wanted the black raspberry, which is awesome by the way. They really wanted the black raspberry and all there is, is chocolate. So, you are going to have different triggers. Say you hate chocolate ice cream. 

[00:23:30] Not having chocolate ice cream is going to trigger you to feel some kind of feeling. Right? And this is how this works. You have triggers because of your conditioning, you know, your upbringing, your beliefs. So you just want to start to look at that. What is triggering you to have these thoughts, which causes certain feelings and then your feelings cause you to act in a certain way or not act. It’s all like a chain reaction. They’re all related. 

[00:24:01] I also really like people too, because most of us spend our lives in our heads – we don’t really get into our heart and our body – so I always ask my clients, how does that feel in your body? Because a lot of us have a hard time doing that. But just get really curious about it, you know, it can be so fascinating if you allow it to be fascinating. Just pay attention. Notice when you feel upset about something. 

[00:24:29] What was I thinking when I got upset and what happened? Just to kind of start to notice those things is so huge. Awareness. Awareness is half the battle. That’s what I always say. So back to journaling. It’s really important to write down the things you find as you notice them come up. And it doesn’t mean like right in that moment, although that is helpful. But soon after. 

[00:24:54] You know, you want to keep it fresh. A lot of people resist journaling. But it doesn’t have to be a lot of time and you don’t have to write a whole lot. There are so many different ways of journaling. It’s a good way to help you get in the habit of practicing being present and noticing what’s going on. 

[00:25:15] And as you get familiar with the narrative or the thoughts that are running around in your head, you’re going to start to notice some patterns. You’re going to notice the ones that come up a lot. And journaling is going to help you recognize them and to kind of make sense of them. 

[00:25:32] The third thing is to look at the thought patterns that you’re seeing

[00:25:38] and question them. So the first thing I want you to do is say to yourself: Just because I think it doesn’t mean it’s true. Repeat with me again: Just because I think it doesn’t mean it’s true. So, for example, who are my perfectionists out there? Raise your hand. Let’s say you gave a talk at work, and you stumbled on a question that someone asked

[00:26:08] after the talk. Immediately, you have the shame wave pull you under, like you fell off your surf board. You know the one. And you go into the, you know, black or white thinking and you tell yourself that because it wasn’t perfect it totally sucked. Never mind the great information you delivered to this group of people.

[00:26:30] You’re now telling yourself that it was worthless and it sucked. 

[00:26:35] Now your brain is a little tricky because it’s probably not going to use those words, but you get the idea, right? The underlying thought or the underlying belief is that in order to be good enough or worth anything, you need to get every little thing that you do perfect. And if you don’t do that, you’re a complete failure. 

[00:26:56] Or something along those lines. Your brain is just going to make you feel shitty. Your brain’s not going to say, Hey I know I think this is really shitty, but if you look at this, you might decide it’s not shitty. Your brain is NOT going to do that. Your brain just wants to make you feel crappy and that’s it because your brain is trying to keep you safe. 

[00:27:17] Your brain doesn’t want you to do that again. Your brain doesn’t want you to make a mistake again, because it’s trying to protect you. Do you see where I’m going with that? When you see that pattern, instead of listening to your brain, who’s wanting to just keep you safe – and your brain while your brain is very amazing,

[00:27:38] and your brain serves you really well in a lot of ways, but in this kind of a situation, your brain is really not helpful because your brain can’t determine the difference between actual real fear. And in this unconscious state, it can’t determine the difference between fear of something actually bad happening to you and fear of something that isn’t dangerous, like messing up at work.

[00:28:04] So, when you see that pattern, you don’t want to just let it keep running in your brain. You want to look at it and challenge it. And this is why the previous parts were so important: love who you are –  love all the parts and get really curious and start to notice all these patterns and these thoughts.

[00:28:28] I will also say it’s really difficult to do this particular work on your own because your blind spots are just not going to let you see these things quite as easily. I’m a coach. I hang out with a lot of coaches, and we all have coaches to help us see our blind spots. So, trust me, it is not easy work on your own. It’s hard because your brain wants to keep you safe 

[00:28:53] and it’s going to fight to the death to keep the stories that you are trying to blow up. If you try to do that on your own, there are a lot of things you’re going to let your brain talk you into that I, for example, would really help you challenge. So, this is really the work. 

[00:29:15] This is the unbecoming, you know, unbecoming your stories and writing new ones. 

[00:29:21] But those three things are going to help you rewrite your stories. When I say stories. It’s like the narrative that’s running in your brain. That you’re trying to disrupt. The narrative that’s running in your brain that’s not allowing you to see who you truly are. It’s the thing that is fogging up your glasses. It’s the thing that’s telling you to lock all the rooms.

[00:29:46] That’s what’s happening. So, to rewrite your story, you need to open the rooms. You need to clean up the glasses. And, you know, one thing about this is that being yourself can be really hard. The most important relationship that you can ever have is the one that you have with yourself.  I’m sure that’s a quote,

[00:30:15] but I don’t know who originally said it. We’ll just say unknown

[00:30:21] Sometimes if you’ve been in one way of being for a long time and you’ve had “very dirty glasses”, what you see with clean glasses might be kind of a shock. And it may take some time to get used to that and to really own it.

[00:30:39] One of my colleagues is helping me with some relationship stuff. 

[00:30:44] I had made a comment about being worried about what other people would think or what I would say to other people, if they ask me about this particular thing, and she asked me what I would say. And then she kind of helped me rephrase it because it was kind of weak. And then she said, Kortney, you have to own it. You have to own it. 

[00:31:06] She helped me come up with something that was more assertive, like, yeah, I’m really okay. And this is how it is for me and to own it because if you’re trying on the person that you really are, and 

[00:31:20] you’ve been pushing that away for a long time. It’s going to feel uncomfortable and you’re going to want to kind of ease into things and waffle, but you can’t do that. You need to own it. That’s part of it is owning it and owning it is not easy sometimes. So, it’s a practice. It’s a journey. But that’s your goal. Your goal is to clean off your glasses, unlock all the rooms. 

[00:31:44] And your goal is to fricking own it. So, when somebody comes over to your castle and says again, you know, I really don’t like that room because, um, you know, you have the wrong color curtains. You’re going to say, fuck you. Get out of my castle. Sorry for the language. I’ll put a disclaimer at the beginning of this. 

[00:32:04] Or if your glasses are super clean and really sparkly and somebody comes up to you and says, 

[00:32:12] Those glasses are really funny looking on you. They look different than normal. You’re going to say, I can see. Great. It’s amazing. I love it. I’m sorry you don’t like them. 

All right. So that’s your work: to get to that place where you clean off your glasses, you unlock all the doors and you’re proud of what you have and you own it. And the times that are hard, you have your own back to deal with it because you know who you are. 

[00:32:39] Let me tell you when you get to that place where you know how to do this, even if you’re not perfect all the time, when you know how to do it, there’s nothing in your life, there’s nothing in your world that isn’t possible. Anything is possible. I told you earlier that when you do this work, you’re going to have more self-confidence. Your self-esteem is going to be so much better. 

[00:33:02] You’re going to have courage to do the hard things. You’re going to not feel stuck. You’re going to feel this really grounded space. It’s a beautiful place to be. And even when you’re still trying to figure it out, because it doesn’t come overnight. 

[00:33:17] All right, friends. I hope you enjoyed this episode. This is one of my favorite topics. This is hard work and it’s work that is really tough to do on your own. If you have questions about that, I’d love to hop on a call to talk about maybe what some of your locked rooms are. 

[00:33:43] Or how you can clean off your glasses a little bit. Help you start unbecoming all the things that aren’t you, how to return home to yourself. That is what I do, and I help a lot of people with it. So, I would love to talk to you about helping you do that because your life it’s going to be so much more amazing. 

[00:34:03] If you take the time and invest the time and money in yourself to do that, I promise you I’ve done it. I have tons of friends who’ve done it.  Go over to kortneyrivard.com/lets-talk and schedule a call. 

[00:34:18] It’s free. There’s no obligation. So go ahead and do that. And I will see you next week. 

kortney rivard divorce and breakup coach for women

meet your host.

Hi! I’m Kortney Rivard. Professional life coach and host of Real, Brave, & Unstoppable. 

I help smart, ambitious women rebuild their lives after a divorce or breakup by helping them manage their emotions, love who they are and take massive action toward creating a life that’s bigger and better than the one they had before.

Yes, it’s hard. But you don’t have to do it alone!

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