Episode 96: Real, Brave, & Unstoppable is on hiatus through the beginning of August so I can put some energy into planning my September retreat! In the meantime, I am re-airing some of the most popular episodes of all time. Listen to this episode, Lessons Learned from Brene Brown, where I share some of my favorite wise words from this brilliant researcher and writer.
Show Notes:
This episode is a re-air of episode #56: Lessons Learned from Brene Brown.
It’s one of my favorite episodes filled with quotes from Brene Brown. She’s one of my favorite authors, and I love her work on authenticity, courage, vulnerability, and connection.
Today, I’m sharing some of my favorite quotes from her books and some of my own commentary on those ideas.
Listen to this episode to learn more.
I also share details of my upcoming September retreat – don’t miss hearing about it!
Learn 3 steps to getting unstuck so you can start living the life you REALLY want. Register at kortneyrivard.com/workshop
Do you want different results? Do you want to love your life?
Introducing Rise: The Live Retreat Experience
September 8-10 in the gorgeous and serene countryside of Maryland, just 45 minutes outside of Washington, DC.
This retreat is your gateway to writing the next chapter of your life – a chapter that is bigger and better than the one before it. One where you don’t feel stuck and overwhelmed. One where you leave behind your limits and RISE into what’s possible for you.
There are only eight spots available. Is one of them yours?
Learn more at https://www.kortneyrivard.com/retreat
Hurry! Space is limited and it’s filling fast. Register by July 31st to take advantage of early bird pricing!
Resources
Feeling stuck? Don’t know where to start?
Start here: schedule a Strategy Session to discover how you can start.
Schedule a call at www.kortneyrivard.com/lets-talk
Visit https://kortneyrivard.com/lovelife to download a free guide on how to create a life you love!
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/kortneyrivard)
Other episodes:
- Ep 122: How to Take the High Road When People Say Mean Things About You
- Ep 121: 5 Ways to Make the Mirror Your Friend
- Ep 120: Getting Back on the Goals Bandwagon – Setting Better Goals
- Ep 119: Slow Down! How to Embrace Getting Still and Waiting Patiently
- How to Fix Your All-or-Nothing Thinking
The Real, Brave, & Unstoppable full episode catalog
Transcript:
Episode 96: Replay of #56, Lessons Learned from Brene Brown
Hello, everyone and welcome back to real, brave and unstoppable. This is another MVP episode. I always think it’s funny, I’m like, why am I calling them MVPs? I think, cause everybody knows what that means. Instead of they’re really like the most popular episodes. So MPEs, nobody would know what an MPE is though. So welcome to, I think this is the third MVP episode I am doing today. It’s a re air of. Episode number 56, which is lessons learned from Brene Brown. It’s been so much fun to go back through these episodes. You’ll hear in a minute that when I recorded this, it was about a year ago. Little over a year ago and I was getting ready to quit my full-time job. To just be employed by myself. Which was a super scary time. And, I was kind of looking over some of the, you know, through the episode and some of the quotes that I shared from Brene Brown. And, the first one that I talk about is owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever do. And it reminded me of, you know, a year ago when I was trying to get my head around being a full-time entrepreneur, which is really scary. It was really scary. Right. But. I’ve known that that’s my truth for a long time. You know, I spent like so many of us, I spent a lot of my life, like, you know, trying to be the person that I should be. And that’s, you know, not no fault of anyone’s really, it’s just, we we learn things as we grow up and we learn that in order to be accepted or to belong. That we need to be. You know, we need to be a certain way or do a certain do certain things. And then later in life, we discover I’m not exactly feeling like I’m really living. It’s because you’re not, you’re not living your life. You’re living someone else’s life. so, You know that part of me who is always had sort of this adventurous spirit, which entrepreneurs definitely have adventurous spirits. Any of you out there who are entrepreneurs know that it is definitely an adventure wild ride. So I knew that that was really, you know, that was really my truth was that I wanted to be able to do work that. I felt like impacted other people and made a difference. And not that everyone’s work, doesn’t make a difference. Not saying that at all, but if you feel like you’re not. Fulfilled in it then you’re not being as impactful as you could be. If you’re doing work where you feel fulfilled and purposeful, then you’re going to be able, you’re going to have the energy necessary to be able to make more of an impact. And that’s what I was feeling. I just, I knew that this was it for me. So owning my story. That’s my story is my truth. And that was, that was a leap. That was a leap. And so, you know, if you have something like that in your life right now, where it’s, you know, it’s your truth and your heart knows. Your heart knows. Owning that can be really hard and really scary. So as you listen to this episode, keep, keep that idea of, you know, obviously Brene Brown talks a lot about authenticity and the vulnerability that comes along with that. And, you know, hold that, hold that idea of authenticity with you as you listen to this episode. That’s my jam, really. That’s what I love. My work at its core is really about. Um, coming home to who you are in your heart and that authentic person, that truth, your true nature. With all without all the mind, chatter, mind fluctuations that happen on top of it. And so as you listen to this episode, just kinda keeping, keep that in mind, like that idea of living as your most authentic self. And yeah, it can be really scary at times. But the alternative is that you’re not really living your life, your life, you know, you’re not ever, so you’re not truly living then. Right? You’re not making the most of this one life. If you’re not living your life, the life that was meant for you. So just kind of hold on to that and keep that in mind, as you listened to this episode. Okay. So one more thing before I unleashed the episode, this Sunday, July 24th, at 3:00 PM. Eastern I’m hosting a workshop called three steps to creating the life you want. It’s similar to the workshop I hosted last month. Couple little tweaks, but if you miss that one, you absolutely don’t want to miss this one. We’re going to dig into your life right now. What’s not working. What’s not so bad. So you can think of, you know, what things do I need to work on specifically, but also what things are okay. And what can I build on to help me work on those things specifically? And then we’re also going to do the favorite thing from last time’s workshop. Was, you’re going to take a little journey to get to know your future self and you’ll get, you’ll uncover some big clues on what it is you want most in your life. And that question is really hard for a lot of people. So, with this exercise we’re going to do in the workshop is super helpful. It was super enlightening for everyone that was in attendance last time. I’m also going to share with you the number one dream killer and how you can overcome it. So it’s a free workshop. You might as well just sign up for it and do it because it’s really great. So. Go do that. Go register at the link in the show notes. The other thing I want to mention to you is that I have a few spots left for my September retreat, which is taking place September 7th through 11th in Dickerson, Maryland, which is about 45 minutes outside of Washington, DC. We’re staying in a renovated farmhouse, gorgeous, open spacious countryside, bucolic, all the things. It’s a great chance for you to get away and really focus on you. The theme of the retreat is really looking at opening your eyes to possibility, like letting go of some of the things that you think are your limits, and you will leave the retreat with awareness of something new that’s possible for you. Something that was hidden from your view before. Where you saw a limit. So, if you’re feeling at all a little stuck in your life or overwhelmed with where do I start to figure out like what I want and what my purpose is and how I make that happen? This is the retreat for you. You will leave the retreat a different person in some way. So if that’s resonating for you at all, The early bird rate ends in one week on July 31st. So I invite you to go to kortneyrivard.com/retreat and fill out the application. It’s a very small retreat, eight people total. So we want to make sure it’s a really good fit for you before you sign up. So you can fill out the application. We’ll hop on a call to talk about it. And I really hope that I get to see you there because it’s going to be a kick-ass amazing. Weekend. So with that here is Lessons Learned from Brene Brown. Hey everyone. And welcome back to real, brave and unstoppable. This is episode number 56, and we are a solidly into the middle of June. It’s summer solstice time. I was reading a little bit about that the other day. And. sort of reflecting on. New beginnings. And the summer solstice is a time to really think about. New beginnings and sort of letting things that aren’t serving you and, and look forward to new beginnings. and I thought that was kind of a neat way of looking at things And I’m really feeling that today too. I’m about to take a pretty big leap and go into my business. Full-time. Which is so exciting and it’s a little scary. for those of you that are entrepreneurs out there, you know, that. You can’t really grow a business when you’re working a full-time job. So there’s a gap in there. There’s a space where you have to just kind of take the leap and trust that it’s going to work out. And I trust it. I know it will. And I love doing the work I do, and I’m excited to have an impact in the world. So, so here we go. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone. Big time. I’m walking. My talk, I’m being real. I’m being brave and I’m being, I’m going to be unstoppable. I am unstoppable. So here we go. So today on the podcast, I will periodically like to do a lessons learned type episode, and I’ve only done one. I’ve done the one on Pema Chodron, some of my favorite quotes. Bye Pam. and today I’m going to talk about Brenae brown. And it’s funny. Cause as I was digging into some of my, you know, the books I have of hers and some of my favorite quotes and ideas. It’s really weird because if you know, Bernay brown, you know, she talks a lot about vulnerability and authenticity. and shame. Connection. And yesterday I had a lot of stuff come up where. With clients and then just people in my life too, to where all this stuff it just was really relevant. And so it was kind of funny and very timely. I don’t know. I believe that everything kind of comes to you in the moment that you need it. And so this was one of those examples, so Hopefully, this will be true for you too, hopefully. So you can take something from this and it will be really relevant in your life. A friend of mine a long time ago, turned me on to Bernay brown. I had never heard of her before. And it was with her first I thought it was just me, but it isn’t. I think that’s the title. I don’t have it in front of me, but, It was a great book. Really good. It’s a little longer. And, I don’t want to say harder of a read, but it’s not the easiest read of all of the books that she’s written. but anyway, I got into her work then, and I really loved what she had to say. And so then came along the gifts of imperfection. And my mom and I read that together. At the time Bernay brown and Oprah, they did a, like a class or an online course and it involved art journaling. And for those of you that listen regularly, you know, In February, I did an art journaling workshop. My mom is really into that. She’s really creative. And, it was kind of something that she did a little bit of at the time. And so when this class came up, we were like, yeah, it’s a no-brainer, let’s do it. And it was really fun to incorporate the creativity along with, you know, the topic of. Embracing your imperfections. But in that book, it really, you know, talks a lot about owning our story and. Being authentic, being able to show up and be seen. The good, bad and the ugly. You know, and be okay with that and learn how to love ourselves through that process. And so that book really is where I started to just love. What. Bernay has to say, and I like love everything. She does. It just really resonates with the work that I do, as well. so today I’m just going to go through and share some of my favorite quotes and ideas from her work. And I might, you know, do some, I might offer some commentary on some of the quotes and these are in no particular order. They’re just kind of random and I’m in a, I have a lot of them, so I’m going to just get through as many as I can. so here we go. The first quote I’m going to share is owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do. It is brave because when we own our story, we also own the things that we don’t necessarily like about ourselves. And, we have to be. I’m okay with those things. So to be able to own it and, and know that it’s just a part of you and it’s okay. And not let it, determine your worthiness is really brave. Following onto that. Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities as risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging. Enjoy the experiences that make us most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness. Will we discover the infinite power of our light. That one is really similar to the previous quote I shared. But I love it because. It. It says that when you can dig into. You know, your darkness and explore the darkness or the imperfections or the things that you don’t necessarily like about yourself. You can find the good in that. I really am a fan of what’s called shadow work and there’s an author called Debbie Ford and she writes a lot about, shadow work, which is exploring that darkness, that darker side of you and. To, you know, be able to integrated into yourself, you know, in your life. So it’s not a bad thing. It’s just part of you. And so that concept is really important in owning our story and showing up as who we really are. I love this one. The universe is not short on wake up calls. We’re just quick to hit the snooze button. Oh, yeah. This is kind of the, you know, somebody’s tapping on the shoulder, the universe kind of taps you on the shoulder or whispers to you that, Hey, you know, you’re not really in the right place, so you should. Let that go or whatever it is, the little gentle nudge. And you don’t hear it. And then finally it’s like, okay, it’s time for you to really hear this. So the universe hits you with a two-by-four. I don’t know about you, but that’s the way that my life tends to work is I’m starting to figure it out. I’m starting to figure out like how to listen to my intuition and how to. You know how to get quiet. And know when it’s actually my intuition and not fear. But, I think most of us have a really hard time with that because life is so busy and noisy. So it’s sometimes really hard to hear those whispers. And also not to mention that it’s scary to heed them. So a lot of times we pick the easier thing we pick the easier way out. I know I’ve done that so many times I’ve stayed in situations because it’s easier, even though my intuition says probably not the best place for you. so it’s, it’s true. The universe has all kinds of signs. God, higher power. Spirit source, whatever you call it. It’s always giving you signs. You just have to be able to see them. Watch for them. Listen for them. Here’s a quote about when you try to please others, you’re trading in your authenticity for approval. You stop believing in your worthiness and you start hustling for it. She talks a lot about hustling for worthiness. And if you aren’t familiar with her work, Basically, what she’s saying is that. Instead of you just being worthy, you’re going out and trying to find worthiness. You’re trying to get someone else to do something or say something, you know, approval that makes you feel worthy or so you’re into, you know, performing and perfecting. You’re forgetting that you are actually worthy without all of that. So when you are trying to go out and please others, you’re not being yourself. So you’re trading your authenticity in order to get that approval. Next one courage sounds great, but we need to talk about how it requires us to let go of what other people think. And for most of us that’s scary. Yes. Courage does sound great. I talk about this a lot. It sounds really. Noble and romantic and great, but courage is not comfortable. Courage requires us to feel. Not good. Sometimes. And. It does require us to let go of. What other people think from needing that approval? It requires us to be authentic and owner stories show up as who we are and who we’re meant to be. And that can definitely be scary sometimes because it goes back to the last quote. You know, you’re, you’re not trading your authenticity for approval. So there is risk that you’re not going to get their approval. There’s risk of judgment and criticism. All those things. Here’s another one related to, the one about hustling for worthiness. so when we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with who we think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing. Perfecting pleasing and proving. Our sense of worthiness. Lives inside of our story. That’s such a beautiful quote. I think it kind of sums a few of those up. but it kind of goes to that, like that darkness when we’re trying to keep our distance from that. Dark part of us. And we don’t like. You know, we’re actually. Pushing away, the things that don’t fit with the person we’re supposed to be. That’s when we’re not part of our story anymore, we’re not owning it. We’re taking pieces of it and throwing it out. So we’re standing outside of her story. You can’t just keep what you want and throw away the rest you have to, you have to have it all and you have to love at all. So that’s when you start to need that approval. So you’re then hustling for the worthiness. You’re trying to get that approval by performing perfecting, proving yourself people pleasing. You know, you’re, you’re already worthy. The worthiness is inside of your story. So the next one is about fitting in versus belonging. And there are a few that kind of fit together. So I’ll kind of combine them. but fitting in is different than belonging. and the quote is fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted belonging. Doesn’t require us to change who we are. It requires us to be who we are. I love that so much. I’m a person who has tried to fit in for my entire life. Like I grew up and I know a lot of people can relate to this in. I sometimes I call it. Chameleon syndrome or shape-shifting like basically whatever group of people I’m in. I will sense. Okay. Who do I need to be right now to feel like I fit in. So I got to a certain point in my life where I just didn’t even really know who I was anymore. Cause it was, you know, my whole life of trying to gain. Approval from everyone. And I forgot to be who I really am. So that leads to another quote because it’s sort of, there was some stuff in the middle, but the other part of it is because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic. Imperfect selves to the world. Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self acceptance. I want you to hear that one really loudly. Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. So you can fit in quote, unquote, all you want. But you’re not going to feel like you belong, which is actually the feeling you’re seeking. You’re never going to feel that belonging, unless you actually accept yourself for who you are. You own your story. Pretty good stuff. Next one, the greatest challenge for most of us is believing we’re worthy right now. Right now you’re worthy right now. You don’t need to lose 10 pounds. You don’t need to get a promotion. You don’t need to finish your degree. You don’t need to get a boyfriend or a husband or buy a house or a year worthy right now. You can be a mess. You can be a mess and still be worthy of love, belonging, whatever it is you want in your life, you are worthy of that. Right? This second, you don’t need to change a bit. The next couple I’m going to share are. They’re kind of, I wouldn’t say they’re really, there are quotes from one of the books, but they’re kind of separated and, it goes like this connection begets connection. Vulnerability begets vulnerability and courage is contagious. The reason why I got into coaching and the reason why I love it so much is because of the first connection B gets connection. Because what I’ve found in this world is that there are so many people out there who have such amazing stories to tell, but they are afraid to own them and to share them. And what I found is when I just let down my walls, where I took down my walls or took off my armor and just was like, hell with it. I’m going to tell people about what I’ve been through. Of course, you know, I don’t share every little detail, but like I’m. I’m willing to show up and be like, Yeah. Aye. Don’t have all my shit together all the time, I’ve shared my story about my ex-husband being gay and that divorce I’ve shared my story about how I was a mess. I was a dysfunctional mess during that time. I regret a lot of things that happened during that time. And just because I wasn’t able to function well enough to handle them the way I would have liked to handle them. Yeah, I mean, I was a lost mess and I’m. I I own that. Because that time in my life brought me to where I’m at now. And do I still have flaws? Absolutely. And I’m willing to share them. Everyone I’m willing to admit them. I don’t need to be right. I’d rather be happy than right. And what I’ve found is by, by showing up and just being like, you know, Willing to share things. That. In the past, I would have been afraid of being judged for. It makes the next person feel like, oh, wow, it’s really okay for me to take my armor off and be me. And so it’s contagious. You know, being courageous to do that. It’s, it’s contagious because people feel more at ease. People feel almost like they have permission, like, oh, it’s okay to not be perfect. And that’s what I love about being in this field of coaching is. Is helping people to get there. It’s one thing to say, oh, I, I can get that. I can understand that. But it’s another thing to do the work to get there. And that’s, that’s what I do is help people with that. Ultimately. Okay. Shame keeps worthiness away by convincing us that owning our stories will lead people to thinking less of us. So that’s what keeps us in this. people pleasing mode is shame. Or, you know, being we’re afraid of being judged. We’re afraid of what other people are gonna think of us. So. You know, it’s this, the shame about our story. This they’re talking about authenticity. Authenticity is a collection of choices we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice, to be honest, the choice to let our true selves be seen. And I did a webinar on authenticity about a year ago. And that was, what am I? So one of my favorite quotes, it’s a choice every day. It’s a choice in every situation. Do I want to put on my mask here or do I want to just take it off and be relaxed and be me and let these people get to know who I really am and they can decide if they like it or not. I don’t have to worry about it. Cause I just find my people. I love that. And the next one is similar, but it’s another one I love authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. It’s that self love and acceptance thing. And it’s something that is a process. You know, you don’t just wake up one morning. Necessarily and say, I love every bit about me. you know, there’s some work that goes into that, but. That’s it’s the it’s practicing it daily is like, you know, I have this idea of who I am supposed to be, but I’m going to let go of that because it’s not really who I am. And my mission in my life is to show up as you know, embrace who I really am, accept who I really am. Remember what I said earlier about our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self acceptance. So there you go. And along the same lines. Staying real quote unquote is one of the most courageous battles we’ll ever fight. And that my friends is really, really true. Think about it. Out in the media. What do you see? What do you see about the media? Telling us what the, you know, what we’re supposed to look like or what we’re, how we’re supposed to be, what we’re supposed to have, what we’re supposed to do. We have all this noise. And so actually letting go of. That and staying true to ourselves is sometimes really hard. And it does take a lot of courage. it. It requires being uncomfortable and being, you know, stepping outside of our comfort zone, risking judgment and criticism and failure and things like that. Which leads me to the next one. Sometimes choosing being real, over being liked is all about playing it unsafe. It means stepping outside your comfort zone. Exactly. Exactly. Always be stepping out of your comfort zone. As I tell my kids, that’s where the magic happens. They totally hate that. Okay. Next one about vulnerability. Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take. If we want to experience connection. Yes, it’s really true. Like you can’t connect with somebody if you’re not willing to. Open up if you’re not willing to take off the armor. Because then you’re not really connecting with them as who you really are. They’re not connecting with you. They’re connecting with the person with the armor. So it’s not really true connection. for the perfectionist in the audience, perfectionism is not the same as striving to be your best. It’s the belief that if we live look and act perfect, we can avoid or minimize the pain of blame, judgment and shame. It’s the 20 ton shield we lug around thinking it will protect us when in fact it’s the only thing preventing us from taking flight. I’m a recovering perfectionist over here. And I can attest to this as a hundred percent true. Perfectionism is something that is born out of fear. It’s something that we, you know, it’s a, it’s a facade we put on that. Is almost sometimes like a badge of honor. You know, But we think it’s going to protect us and keep us safe. You. If we think it’s going to gain us this. Approval like we’re, you know, For bad-ass and really it’s just holding us back. I a hundred percent. Have experienced this in my life. And if you have any questions about that, if you feel like you are a perfectionist or think you’re a perfectionist and you’re not sure like how that works. Just email me. Cause we’ll have a chat about it. I, a hundred percent can tell you. It’s absolutely true. Perfectionism is not. It’s not the same as trying to, you know, put your all into something into your best. It’s very different. I love this one so much. What we know matters, but who we are matters more. Being rather than knowing requires showing up and letting ourselves be seen, it requires us to dare, greatly to be vulnerable. And that’s really true. We put a lot of focus on. What we know and how smart we are, what we have, or, you know, how far ahead we are in life, how successful we are, but really at the end of the day who we are and how we show up in the world is really what matters. Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage, truth and courage. Aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness. So true people think of vulnerability is weakness, but it is actually one of the bravest things you can do. The willingness to show up, changes us. It makes us a little braver each time. That’s good news people. The more you show up as yourself, the more that you experienced that. uncomfortable feeling. Have courage to do that. It makes you a little braver each time you’ll gain confidence to show up as yourself. So you just got to take that step. When our self-worth isn’t on the line, we are far more willing to be courageous and risk sharing our raw talents and gifts. What that means is. We kind of shrink back and we’re afraid to share if we’re afraid that. It’s going to affect our self-worth, which means if we don’t get the approval or if somebody criticizes us, it affects our self-worth. So that’s one of the reason why I feel like in our society today, creativity and innovation are really stifled because, you go into. Corporate and I’m generalizing here. It’s just what I’ve seen. And I’m sure not every company is like this, but. You’re not really allowed to be vulnerable in a corporate setting. You know, you’re expected to really leave all your personal stuff at home. I’ve experienced this personally, and it just angers me because people are then afraid to go out on a limb and really share their ideas because they’re afraid of what people are going to say or think. To set down those lists of what were quote, unquote, supposed to be as brave. To love ourselves and support each other. And the process of becoming real as perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly. I love that so much. I love so many of these. I keep saying that, but. Putting down the list of who you’re supposed to be is hard. I know, like for me, Letting go of the perfectionist, you know, that person who just goes out and does everything and doesn’t fail and, you know, achieves and whatever. That was a hard idea to let go of. Because that’s what I thought was keeping me afloat. Right. I that’s what I thought, you know, I was getting approval from being that, but I didn’t realize that I would get just as much approval by being who I really am. And so that is courageous and necessary to do that, but also supporting other people and becoming who they are is also courageous. So think about that too. We all got to support each other and think about what a better world this would be. If everybody felt safe enough to show up as who they really are. I think we miss out on so much. Like richness because we have this fear of vulnerability in our society. When we spend our lives knowingly or unknowingly pushing away vulnerability, we can’t hold space open for the uncertainty. Risk and emotional exposure that comes with joy. And that was kind of a weird one to throw in here. But, the idea is that a lot of times people feel like it’s easier to live disappointed than to feel disappointment. So it’s more painful to dip in and out of joy. That there’s, they don’t like to have the feeling of joy and then the feeling of sadness. Right. It’s just, they’d rather just be kind of in the middle. So you suffer less pain this way, but you also sacrifice joy. I didn’t include this quote in here, but Bernay brown has said you can’t numb. One feeling. If you’re going to numb your feelings, you numb them all. So if you’re going to numb, Pain. You’re also going to numb joy. Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It’s the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. It’s not weakness. It’s our greatest measure of courage. Notice we have no control over the outcome. And that’s, I think where a lot of people have a hard time. Is, they don’t know how it’s going to work out. So they don’t want to take off that armor. And this is one of the things that goes back to when I talk about building. Evidence or creating evidence as you go that something will work out. That’s the same thing with. Vulnerability like you, you need to believe that you’ll be okay. Being vulnerable. And have the courage to do that. Without knowing what’s going to happen and you can build the evidence that you’re going to be. Okay. But you can’t build that evidence until you actually try it. This journey belongs to no one, but you, however, no one successfully goes it alone. We need each other friends. We really do. You can’t do it on your own. And being vulnerable, as we said before, is the, that’s the way to connection. And so in order to not go it alone, you need to be vulnerable so you can connect. The most difficult part of our stories is often what we bring to them, what we make up about who we are and how we’re Perceived by others. What makes the story so painful is what we tell ourselves about our own self worth and value. Think about that. I talk on the podcast about, circumstances being neutral and how, it’s your thinking that defines how you feel about something. And so this is just that it’s just, what happened is the circumstance. You know, the story that you’re in is what’s happening in your life, your situation. And then what makes it painful is what you think about it. And oftentimes the thoughts that are the, that bring the most pain are just telling yourselves I’m not enough. I’m not worthy. Okay. So the final one I’m going to share is, if you’ve read. Bernay Brown’s book daring greatly. It’s the arena quote, the man in the arena is what it’s called. I’m going to change the words so that it’s gender neutral. It’s I believe in that pretty strongly. so I’m going to change manta person and the he’s or a change today or them. Okay, so here it is. The person in the arena. It is not the critic who counts. Not the person who points out how the strong person stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the person who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes short again. And again. Who spends themself in a worthy cause who at the best knows in the end, the triumph of high achievement. And who at the worst, if they fail at least fails while daring greatly so that their place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. Man. I friggin love that quote It’s Teddy Roosevelt. And so of course it’s man and he and him in there. And the way Bernie talks about it is basically if you’re not in the arena, like. Showing up, owning your story, you know, doing the work, connecting. cause if you’re in the arena and you’re being vulnerable, you’re, you’re showing up owning your story, being yourself, you are going to fall. You’re just going to it’s like anything, it’s part of it. You’re going to, you’re going to make a mistake or, you know, you’re going to do something that doesn’t feel good. And then, you know, It’s going to happen. So the way she talks about it is that unless you’re in the arena, you know, doing. The work like I am. I’m not interested in your feedback. Like if you’re sitting in the cheap seats watching and just keeping your armor on. I don’t want to hear what you have to say. So if you’re down here in the arena, like, you know, with your armor off exposed, vulnerable. Sure. We can talk, but you know, if you’re just up there. Judging. You’re all protected up there judging me. Who’s just trying to be who I am, who I’m meant to be. Then you can just shut up. I love that. I just love that so much because it just kind of puts in perspective, like who do we listen to? Why do we listen to these people? And it’s a good lesson or a good, even a good gut check on when somebody is criticizing you. To be able to look at what they’re doing in their own life. Are they just sitting in the cheap seats with their 20 ton armor on looking like they’re perfect. And just remember that if you’re done in the arena, you’re being bad-ass and you’re doing good things, and you’re being who you are meant to be. You’re owning your story. And that’s what we need in the world. Like that is what we need in the world. And it takes courage. It takes. It’s it’s my podcast. It’s real. It means you gotta be real. You got to have courage to do that. And you’re going to be unstoppable if you have those things. Ooh, that just gave me chills. I hope it gave you chills too. Seriously. I have major chills. I haven’t. Goosebumps right now. Whoa. I didn’t even plan that. So, anyway, I hope you enjoyed this collection of some of my favorite ideas from Bernay Brown’s work. if you liked this episode, please reach out and tell me, I always love feedback. You can. go on my website and fill out the contact form there. But reach out and say, hi, just do that. I mean, that’s a challenge for you. If you’re listening to this podcast. actually, I’ll just give you my email address. It’s Courtney K O R T N E Y. At Courtney revard.com. I’ll put it in the show notes, just click on it, email me. I want to hear what you thought about this episode. And I would love to also know how you practice authenticity and vulnerability in your life and how that feels. Or anything else you want to share, but that’s my challenge to you is email me directly and tell me what you thought about this episode. Okay. That is your action item for the week. So friends go out into your Thursday and your weekend and think about this stuff. Practice showing up as who you really are and letting go of your need for approval this weekend. Okay. And I want to hear all about it. All right. Take care.
