Episode 87: Real, Brave, & Unstoppable is on hiatus through the beginning of August so I can put some energy into planning my September retreat, RISE! In the meantime, I am re-airing some of the most popular episodes of all time. In this episode, 7 Ways to Let Go and Surrender to Life’s Flow, I’m sharing some of my favorite ways to practice letting go.
Show Notes:
This episode is a re-air of episode #62: 7 Ways to Let Go and Surrender to Life’s Flow.
Letting go has been on my mind lately. Many of my clients, friends, and actually myself have been challenged with letting go of something lately. Whether it’s a relationship, a job that was highly desired, or just a way of being or thinking, letting go is hard.
We have to be willing to accept a situation as it is in this moment and move forward from that place. We can still be disappointed or upset, but when we can be willing to open our minds and accept that there might be a better path for us, we are open to possibilities that we might miss out on if we stay attached to what was.
Have a listen to this episode and practice letting go!
I also share details of my upcoming September retreat – don’t miss hearing about it!
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Introducing Rise: The Live Retreat Experience
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This retreat is your gateway to writing the next chapter of your life – a chapter that is bigger and better than the one before it. One where you don’t feel stuck and overwhelmed. One where you leave behind your limits and RISE into what’s possible for you.
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Other episodes:
- Ep 122: How to Take the High Road When People Say Mean Things About You
- Ep 121: 5 Ways to Make the Mirror Your Friend
- Ep 120: Getting Back on the Goals Bandwagon – Setting Better Goals
- Ep 119: Slow Down! How to Embrace Getting Still and Waiting Patiently
- How to Fix Your All-or-Nothing Thinking
The Real, Brave, & Unstoppable full episode catalog
Transcript:
Episode 98: Replay of #62, 7 Ways to Let Go and Surrender to Life’s Flow
Hello, and welcome back to another MVP episode of real brave and unstoppable. This week, I am replaying episode number 62, which is all about letting go accepting surrendering to life’s flow. How to let go and surrender to the flow of life. Such a good topic. And it’s funny, this is one of the most popular episodes um, Ever. And I’ve been thinking lately. I really need to do another episode on surrender. Because I’m finding a lot lately that so much of what is keeping people stuck is just the inability to do that. Really. You know, we. We don’t want to let go of the past, you know, we ruminate over things that happen. We, you know, wish we would have done something different or, you know, why didn’t I do this? Or why didn’t I do that? Did I make the wrong decision? So-and-so said this about me, you know, the list goes on and on and on and on. And then we also worry about the future, the what ifs, right? What if this doesn’t work out for me? What if I don’t have enough money? What if I lose my job? What if I don’t like this? What if I do this? And then it doesn’t work out? What if I, you know, what. What if, what if, what if. And it’s interesting because this spring I found myself in. A lot of what ifs. And actually coincidentally, this episode as I was listening to it back was a recorded. Uh, right about almost a year ago when I, right. When I quit my full-time job to be a full-time coach. And. You know, to be, if I’m being really honest, that brought up a lot of stuff. For me, it brought up a lot of my material, so to speak. You know, as an entrepreneur, like sometimes you have to, to leave a stable, seemingly stable situation as you’re transitioning into a full-time business, because you don’t have time to, if you’re working a full-time job and your business, you don’t have time to devote to the business. So there was a big leap of faith and a lot of like, just trust that things would work out that was involved in that. And trust requires knowing how to let go, surrender and accept what comes. And I was really challenged with that in the last year of accepting what comes, surrendering to the fact that things are working out for me in my favor one way or another. But it did drive up a lot of my, you know, quote material. Call it, that my stuff, my bullshit, it drove up a lot of, you know, limiting beliefs that, hadn’t really come into play with me for a long time. So over the last, you know, almost year. I’ve really had to look at those and really work on them and really kind of reteach myself. How to surrender and let go at like a new level. And you’ll find that as you do this kind of work, You you grow and then you do, you reach, a new level where you get bigger challenges and you’re kind of put in a position where you have to look at those, those things again, and you have to sort of regrow through the new challenges. And it can be super frustrating sometimes because, you know, as humans, we kinda like to think, oh, I’m good. I’m good. We like the word. Good. Right. But the other thing to know is that humans are wired to want to grow, to want more life. More. And so if you were stuck in the same place and there was no growth taking place, you’d be super bored. Uh, that’s what happens when people feel like they’re on a hamster wheel? They’re going through the motions… is they’re not growing at all. They’re just stagnating. And so when you have these times in your life where things feel challenging and you’re not trusting, it’s a very good wake up call. Oh, there’s something that my life is trying to teach me. And as a human being, this is something that I actually want and need, even if it’s going to be challenging. It’s kind of like for people that are you know, into exercise and staying in shape. I’m going to use this example. Cause I, I do like to get into my, into my body and work workout hard. If you don’t resonate with this example, I’m sorry, but, You know, it’s like you don’t like when I was training for half iron man triathlons, you don’t finish the race by staying the same. Right. You don’t finish the race by staying the same. You have to train your body to be able to do that distance, to have that endurance. And it’s the same thing with life, right? Life is always giving you new things. It just always will. You can’t control that. So when you can let go of the need to know what’s going to happen. Or, you know, to fix what already did happen. You just focus on being you and growing through it, life gets so much more fun. Notice, I didn’t say easy. Life’s as easy as you make it because it’s in your definition of easy, right? Yeah, life, throw’s some challenges, right. But when you can learn how to go with the flow of it, And kind of you know, no, that those things that happened to in your life and the thoughts that come up around them. Which caused your feelings, which caused your actions, which caused your results. You can start to actually be the observer. From 20,000 feet or whatever. And you will start to see that all of that bullshit that goes on in your head is not you. It’s not, you. So it is possible to come home to yourself, you know, to, I always say to your heart, And just be with all of that. You can be with all of that and still live a full, purposeful, amazing life, but you’ve got to get to a place where you can come back to the present and you can let go of the way you want things to be, the way you wish things were, the way you wish things weren’t. You have to let be able to let go of attachment to things. The learning, the idea of impermanence was one of the biggest life changers for me. That nothing is permanent, the bad things aren’t permanent, the good things aren’t permanent. None of it is we, none of us know what we have, right. And as Eckhart Tolle says, the only thing we ever know we have for sure is now, the now his book, the power of now is a wonderful book if you haven’t read it, So, yeah, as you listened to this episode, I noticed that when I recorded it, what was also really present in my mind was my son moving out of the house to to go to college and sort of letting go of you know my role in his life as a mom. I mean, obviously I’m still his mom, but just my role changes. As parents, our roles change as they get older and you know, if we aren’t able to let go of our idea of what a mom should be. It can be really painful. And, you know, it’s something that I still go through is, you know, what is my role in his life as a parent, as he becomes an adult. And if I was still attached to, don’t get me wrong. It’s not easy, but, if I was still attached to what I thought, my role as a mom should be, I would have a lot of shit to deal with. So I’m just, you know, there are so many examples of sort of letting go and not getting attached to our shoulds and our to-dos and all the things. So as you listen to this episode, keep that in mind. And if you have any questions, feel free to reach out. I love to talk presence and letting go and surrender is one of my favorite topics. Before I let you dive into the episode though. I want to remind you if you’ve been listening regularly, you know, about my retreat. So, but I’m going to keep telling you about it. So I only have a few more spots. September 7th through 11th in Dickerson, Maryland. Which is about 45 minutes away from DC. We have three airports to fly into. We’re staying in a renovated farmhouse on God knows how many acres it is, but it is absolutely gorgeous, peaceful, serene, and I’m super excited to spend a few days in transformation with eight lucky women. So, um, if you are interested in having some space to, to be with yourself and to learn about what is limiting you and what kinds of things you need to shift in order to believe that you can have whatever life you want. And get out of your space of feeling lost and overwhelmed. Get off of the hamster wheel of life and really start building an exquisite life with, you know, on your terms with no regrets. You’ve got to check out this retreat, go to kortneyrivard.com/retreat. Fill out the application. We’ll talk and see if it’s a good fit, and I hope to see you in, September here in Maryland. All right, friends with that. Enjoy this episode all about letting go and surrendering to the flow of life. Hello, my friends. And welcome back to real brave and unstoppable episode. Number 62. I’m going to talk about letting go and surrendering today. So I have a couple of stories that relate to this. That inspired my topic for today. So. Many of you listening, probably have kids that are going back to school. And some of you may even have kids that are going off to college. I’m including myself. My son graduated in 2020, but because of COVID was home. Doing. online classes last year, so he didn’t actually move out of the house. So he was, I got an extra year with him at home. but the Sierra, the inevitable happened and he has moved into his dorm. At the university of Maryland, I’m very proud of him, but. He’s my first baby to move away from home. And so it was a little bit of a change for me. There’s all kinds of things that come up for me, just, you know, there’s worry and there’s stress and there’s sadness that he’s not going to be around all the time. and things like that. I have another story. And I’m going to build on these stories throughout the episode. I’m going to use them kind of as examples to illustrate what I’m trying to communicate to you. But also my last day at my full-time job. Was on Friday. I gave my notice back in June. But I had been sticking around to kind of help with the transition for awhile, but now I’m done. And so now I am. All coaching, which I’m super, super excited about. However. You can imagine. And if any of you are entrepreneurs listening. You know what this is like if you’ve also quit a full-time job too. Support your life with your business. It feels very different because When you’re totally responsible for everything and there’s no quote, unquote guaranteed paycheck. It’s a little scary, right? And so I’ve had to practice a lot of letting go of some fear. In the last few months as I’ve prepared for this. So I’m going to use those two things as we go through the episode to kind of illustrate like how I’ve let go. Of some things and surrendered. To what is, and, you know, accepted. That things aren’t going to work out. Believe that things are going to work out. So I will say that over the last, well, I mean, you know, we’re always growing. And we’re always developing as, as humans. Right. And so I think if we choose to, if we choose to do that, and even if we don’t realize we’re growing, we’re still growing. And over the course of my life, I’m now in my mid forties, I’ve done a lot of growing and, you know, past Courtney would be very stressed about. You know, for example, my son going away to college, I’d be worried. Like, is he going to make the right choices? Is he going to do stupid things? Is he gonna keep up with his classes? Is he going to get good grades? Is he going to be able to handle this? And you know, all of the things. And then also, am I going to be able to handle this? Like, It’s it’s sad to not have him here all the time. And his dad and I are divorced. So when he comes home, is he going to stay with me? Is he going to want to stay with me? Is he gonna want to spend time with me? Is he going to want to just, you know, is he going to not want anything to do with me right now? And I could worry on and on about those things. And I don’t know if you, as you’re listening to this, maybe you can even hear in my voice when I start talking about those. Fears and worries. Like I feel an energy shift. I feel like more of a tightness. And a chaos in my, in my voice. When I talk about that. With quitting, my job, you know, there’s all sorts of things might pass. Courtney would have worried about. You know, what if, what if this doesn’t work? What if I fail? What if, or I’m afraid of the unknown? I don’t know how this is going to go. I don’t know where I’m going to be in a year. Am I going to have to. Go back to finding a full-time job you know, all of the things too. You know, so pass Courtney would have worried about those things a lot. And I’m not going to say that those things haven’t crossed my mind at all, because of course they do. We don’t just go through life and, you know, never have a worried thought come into our mind. But today I’m going to talk about. What to do with that, like knowing that’s okay. But to be able to allow that and not resist it and just let it move through you because you and your inner knowing no better. That things will work out, that things are okay. That everything. is happening for you? Not to you. So right now, I want you to think of. uh, time, maybe it’s something in your life right now that you’re dealing with, or maybe it’s something that, you see as upcoming, or maybe it’s something that you’ve dealt with in the past that you’ve really had a hard time letting go of, so I want you to think of that, and I want you to hold that while we go through this episode, this talking about letting go. So you can kind of sort of mentally do this work. And if you have a journal, like keep it near. If you’re, as long as you’re not driving. and jot down any thoughts you have about that. So I want to start talking about what it means to let go and to surrender. there’s a quote by one of my favorite authors Pema Chodron. I did an episode even with her. quotes quite a while ago, but go look it up. It’s like lessons learned from Pema Chodron. It’s my most listened to episode ever. So definitely go check that one out. But she has a quote. Then I don’t even remember the exact quote. Now, I just remember the content of it. It was basically saying that. The reason that we suffer. Is because we get attached to how we want things to be or the way that we think things should be. So think about that for a minute. Yeah. Yeah. I mean when we don’t care about something. And it goes one way. Well, we don’t care. Right? And it’s even if it’s not even like, not caring in the sense of apathy, it’s just like, you know, either way, it’s fine. It doesn’t cause us bad feelings. Right. But if we really, really, really, really want something to end up a certain way and it doesn’t go that way. We feel bad, right? And then those bad feelings we don’t like that. We want to avoid that. So letting go is surrendering to life’s flow. Detaching from an outcome or accepting an outcome, no matter what it is. And when I say attaching to an outcome, it just means that. You really, really, really, really, really want something to be a certain way. And you have a really, really, really, really hard time accepting if it’s a different way, right? You are very attached to that outcome. You’re not able to really flow with it. You know, it’s rolling with the punches. it’s not micromanaging details of things in search of that particular outcome. It’s letting things happen. And what happens when you do this to yourself is that you, you have more of a sense of inner peace. You let that inner peace kind of come to the surface for you. you also gain a lot of freedom in your life because you’re not attached to anything you can, you can flow moment to moment, be in the present and just accept, accept. Let go. you know, it doesn’t mean you don’t want something to be a certain way, but it means that if it doesn’t happen that way, you’re okay. And when you let go, which invites inner peace, freedom, ease and flow into your life. You also. Allow space for joy. To be present as well. Letting go is also about finding the faith or trusting in the process, trusting in the universe or whatever your higher power is. That things will turn out how they’re supposed to and, and being able to accept whatever does happen. It’s complete acceptance of what is, and like I said, it doesn’t mean that you love what happened. It just means you accept it and you’re okay. It doesn’t ruin your life. And, you know, maybe you learn something from it to take into the next time you do something similar or, you know, but it is that complete acceptance of what is, and the faith that everything will be okay. Even without your input. It’s trusting, trusting in source, trusting in the universe or God or whatever you believe in. So I already gave you two examples of. ways that I could really be trying to control things right now. I could be really, Having a lot of worry and stress and, You know, with my son, I could be trying to. Get in his business and what are you doing now? What are you doing now? And be sure you don’t do that. And, you know, I could really be annoying to him. Right. Could be really annoying. I don’t want that. I don’t want us to be annoyed with me. So just some examples of ways that we try to control things where we’d get attached one way is, security. We get attached to our security. If we’re secure, now we get attached to that. Or like financial situation, if we’re in a really good place right now, of course, we’re attached to that. We want that we don’t want it to change. So then when it does change, it gets really hard. Or another example for myself is when I got divorced, I had, I was very attached to the idea of a quote unquote, normal family. And it was really hard for me to let go of that. And when I finally did it just, it brought so much more peace into my life to allow for different options. You know, different. Ways of, of being in a family. Oh, we get attached to our home. I can also relate to that. I had a beautiful home on two plus acres back when I was married and had to sell that. And I’m living in a townhouse with no yard now, and that’s really hard, but. You know, if I was still attached to having that, I would be miserable and don’t get me wrong. I would love to have that again. But you know, in good time, right. It’s in my, uh, my brain of something I want someday. But I’m also not attached to that either. Like, you know, I really realized that that’s not going to make me happy. What I have inside is gonna make me happy. So I really should be more focused on. What brings me joy? What makes me happy? Right. we also get attached to relationships like at the divorce thing is a very good example of that. If it’s not our choice to get divorced or leave a relationship. And we’re really attached to that way of being in our life. It’s very hard, you know, think about a heartbreaking. Breakup that you’ve had in the past, like you’re attached to being with that person. we get attached to success. We get attached to, or, or idea of success, which also related is like that there’s a certain path of doing things. Like we get attached to that way. Like, you know, growing up for me and most people in, I think in my generation, the way to be successful was to get good grades in high school, go to college, you know, get a degree. Graduate with great grades, get a great job, work really hard, you know, climb the ladder and then someday retire. That sounds exhausting when I say it. But anyway, that’s something that was, that’s the way you quote unquote, should. Do it to be successful. And so some, you know, you can get really attached to a way of doing things that everyone else thinks is the way. Validation, you can get very attached to getting validation from other people to the point that you can no longer give it to yourself. you can get attached to your identity. The way that you want other people to see you. Even if it’s not authentic. Or, you know, if perfectionism, for example, is a part of your identity, it’s very easy to get, attached to that. We use perfectionism as a way to control because we’re afraid. If we don’t try to be perfect, that things are going to fall apart and we’re going to look bad and we’re going to fail. And all of those things where people pleasing is another thing. we get attached to, and this all kind of goes back to validation too. Like we get attached to doing things for other people. So we feel valuable. We get attached to that way of. hustling for our worth. and overall, this kind of all points to, we get attached to the way things are we just, we do. And then we also get attached to like, similarly the way we think things should be. So if we’re in search of, uh, an outcome. We definitely have an idea of the way things should be. And the way we want things to be. So we get attached to that. And when we get attached to that, it’s hard to roll with the punches. So why do we do that though? Why is it so hard? Cause it is hard to surrender. It’s hard to give up control. So why is that so hard? Letting go? Well, holding on to things. It helps us feel like we’re in control. We feel a little bit less vulnerable and you know, on top of it, and vulnerability does not feel good. It takes courage to be vulnerable and courage doesn’t feel good either. When you do. The things that require courage over and over again. You eventually gained confidence that you’re not going to die. That you’ll be okay. Not knowing what’s going to happen. Uncertainty change. All of that stuff is uncomfortable, very uncomfortable. And as you know, we as humans, we don’t like to feel uncomfortable feelings. We’ve been. Condition to shove our feelings down. Right here, have a cookie it’ll you’ll feel better or don’t cry. There’s no reason to cry or, you know, things like that. So we try to avoid those feelings. Bye. Doing other things and control is often a way to manage that and this pressure builds. It doesn’t feel good. So we’re replacing these uncomfortable feelings though with like stress and anxiety and. they, they don’t feel good either. But it’s like a feeling we’re so used to that feeling as well. I’m controlling this. I’ve got this. We’re supposed to feel busy. We’re supposed to have a big to-do list. We’re supposed to be, you know, on top of all the things. But in case you haven’t noticed that’s super tiring. Super stressful. It doesn’t feel good. It feels super heavy. It does not feel in flow. And I don’t know about you, but like I want my life to feel. Full of ease and flow and peacefulness. Freedom, which invites joy. That’s just me. I’m assuming you probably want that too. If you’re listening to this podcast. So letting go is really about learning to sit with these feelings of vulnerability and not knowing. And, you know, the uncomfortable feelings that come from. A situation where you want to control. It’s instead of trying to micromanage it. And instead of going into worry and stress mode is. The feelings that come up as fear of something. Is to be able to sit with those. It’s not pushing them away. Which is resistance. It’s allowing them to just be there and move through you. So for me. With my son going to college. You know, of course there’s worry that comes up because I’m afraid. What if he does something stupid or, you know, he’s had hard times in the past. So what if that comes back up and. You know, is he gonna get his homework or is he gonna get his stuff in on time? Is he going to make good use of his time and study and are his grades going to be okay? And then, oh my God, you can spiral, right? You can go down a rabbit hole there. So for me right there, it’s like just sitting with that. It’s like, yeah, I’m a mom. Of course, I’m going to be worried. And that feeling for me shows up in my stomach. Like, that’s another thing for you as you’re going through this, think about that. And where does that fear and that worry, like where does that show up for you in your body? I feel that in my stomach, then if I can feel that in my body, I can sit with it and I can just allow it to be there and move through me. It doesn’t mean I have to like, dwell on it. It just means that I’m not pushing it away. I’m not saying, oh, I’m not supposed to feel that way. Cause I am supposed to feel that way. I’m his mom, right? Or with my job That’s of course entrepreneurship. If you’re an entrepreneur, you know, it’s uncertain, right? I mean, I could argue that even a job with a quote unquote guaranteed paycheck, that’s never certain either. So it’s all in your perspective, but. With the situation with my job, I could get paralyzed by fear. Then I could. Get into my head about like clients and. This and that, and, well, that’s not going to attract what I want into my life. Right. So I have to just kind of sit with that uncertainty like that, not knowing. and for me in my body that actually shows up a little higher than my stomach. It’s almost like if you, are familiar with chakras, it’s almost like my solar plexus area where that shows up. So really tune into your body when you’re, you’re feeling through these things. So this is the juicy part. I have some ideas for you, you know, things to keep in mind or ways to kind of practice letting go. So as I talk about these ideas, I want you to keep your example of, you know, whatever I, you. I asked you at the beginning of the show to, think of something that you have had trouble letting go of either now or in the past, or that you foresee being hard to let go. And so keep that in mind, as I talk about these things. So the first of all, I just want to say that like, life is a series of letting goes. Always, you know, we have things. All the time. And there are opportunities to practice letting go every single day. I don’t remember. We let go to invite inner peace or to, to let our inner peace be front and center. and then freedom, which gives us this sense of freedom in there for joy. And that’s what we’re here for, right. Is to experience joy. and remember that we are actually never in control of anything. Anyway, the only thing you’re ever in control of is the way that you respond to something you can’t control anything or anyone else. So remember that that control is an illusion. Um, if you remember that and really drill that into your head, then it makes no sense to not let go. Right. It’s just to focus on your own self and what you can do. and remember that we like to control because it helps us avoid the uncomfortable feelings, but it is. A vicious cycle. Because then we just feel that the stress feelings, you know, of trying to what, what comes up when we’re trying to control that heavy, busy, chaotic feeling. And then we’re forcing things. We’re in resistance, we’re out of flow and that doesn’t feel good. Think of it like a river. when I was going through my divorce, I always felt like I was in a river. Just flailing, like trying so hard to grab onto anything that would make me feel like I had some semblance of a solid foundation under me. And. I kind of always kept coming back to when I was growing up. We spent a lot of time on. A river on a boat. My family had a boat and there are certain parts of the river that had. Quite a bit of current and we didn’t usually like swim in those, but. Growing up in a river, you know, you always kind of learn how to manage the river and deal with it if you need to. In terms of like drowning. Like you don’t want to fight. When you are in trouble in the water. Like you want to just sort of like go with the flow is really it, you know, go with the flow, don’t fight the current. You’re going to waste so much energy. So if you can just. Relax. Go with the flow. And then find your way. And we were whitewater rafting in Colorado a couple of weeks ago. And that was one of the instructions when you fall, if you fall out of the boat or as they said, if you swim, I thought that was so funny. Instead of, if you fall out of the boat and feel like your life is in danger. It was, if you go for a swim today, It was all don’t fight. Don’t waste your energy fighting. Go with the flow. So, if you can think about it like that, that makes so much sense. Okay. So ways to practice. The first thing is awareness. And I talk about this a lot that just being aware is half the battle of things. Just knowing, just noticing what’s going on. So. Where are you attached to an outcome? let’s say that I am launching a new program in my business and I’m attached to having. You know, 50 people sign up for it, a group program or something. This is just an example, but, I’m attached to that. I’m really attached to it. So I am the whole time just trying to. You know, look at all the, like the, the data, how much engagement am I having? And the, you know, all the promo material, how many people are at my webinar? Like all the things it’s like, I’m totally, you know, then like trying to shift a little things here and there, and I’m feeling really stressed. So what am I trying to avoid? Ask yourself that. Why, first of all, why are you attached? Okay, well, I might be attached because I have a goal of making a certain amount of money with us. launch, what feelings am I avoiding? I’m avoiding feeling feelings of failure. Like if I don’t reach that goal, I might feel like I failed. and are you afraid of what will happen if you don’t try to control? Perfectionism is a really good example here. And I can relate to this a lot because for me, sometimes perfectionism is, it’s hard to let go of because you feel like if you’re not hard on yourself that everything will fall apart. You know, you’ll go to hell your body will, you know, you’ll let yourself go. Those sorts of things. So like, there’s a fear with perfectionist that if I don’t have perfectionist tendencies, that I will totally suck and fail and be bad at everything. So then you ask yourself also, is that really likely. Is that true? Is it really going to be that bad? What’s the worst case scenario. How likely is that to happen? Is it really going to happen? Or are you just imagining that is that. A rabbit hole that you’re just going down and some, you know, crazy like, think about it logically a little bit, you know, is that really going to happen or even tune into your intuition? Which is probably the best thing to do really tune in. Is that really going to happen? Probably not. And even if it does, how would you handle it? Could you handle it? Hint. Yes, you always can. And you always, always, always want to give equal airtime to both possibilities. Like there’s always like this. you know, negative possibility that you’re afraid of. And then there’s always the possibility that you want that. That’s expansive and you always want to give equal airtime to that expansive possibility. I’ve used this example before, where my first coach that I hired., when I was talking about my interest in becoming a coach, I was like, I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t really know how and all this stuff. And she said, well, what if you can. Well, I, my brain was looking at all the reasons why it wasn’t going to happen or couldn’t happen. Why it wasn’t possible. But when she said, what, if you can, it made me give equal airtime to the other side of it. Like what, what if this was possible? Like what would that make available for me? Okay. And when you can really become aware of where you’re attaching, you can work on freeing yourself from the outcome. you know, from attachment to the outcome and it doesn’t mean you don’t care that’s I just want to impress that point. It doesn’t mean you don’t care. But here’s the thing. Think about this. Has anyone ever asked you, like let’s use cake for an example? What kind of birthday cake do you want? And you’re kind of like, well, I kinda really would like this like amazing fancy cheesecake, but that feels like a lot of work for someone to make or buy or whatever it is. So. I’m going to just say, I don’t care. Cause they really, at the end of the day, I don’t care that much, but the cheesecake. Sounds pretty good. By the way I wouldn’t pick cheesecake, but just the example. I had picked good old fashioned birthday cake, mom. I know you’re listening. I know we’re on the same page there. So, you know, at the end of the day, you’re not like married to the outcome of what cake you get. You just would like some cake. It doesn’t matter if it’s cheesecake or it’s ice cream cake, or if it’s like white cake with vanilla frosting or, you know, maybe it’s like, I don’t want chocolate cake, so say the cheesecake doesn’t show up. Well, you haven’t attached yourself to the cheesecake idea, so it’s fine. Like you’re still going to enjoy the cake. Right. So that’s what I’m talking about. next is just being present. We are so busy all the time. These days, like we have so many things on our plate and we forget to be present. Lao-Tzu has a quote. and I don’t have it in front of me, but basically it says that, you know, Depression happens when you look at the past, anxiety happens when you look at the future and peace is what comes when you’re focused on the present moment. That’s the gist of the quote, but that’s so true, like when you’re here and now when your mind is here, you’re not attaching to things you’re just here. You’re accepting what’s in the moment and that’s where you want to be. And the way that you can get there is to really start practicing mindfulness practice, noticing the little things And then also practice letting go of the little things. Like I mentioned the cake, like, where can you let go of something? And it doesn’t mean that you always have to let go of like what you want, but like, That’s different. Then being attached to, if you, if you don’t get what you want or get that’s different than being attached. Like if I don’t get the cheesecake, I am going to be so mad. You know, that’s being attached to the outcome. Meditation is another really great one to just sit with your thoughts and, listen to your breath and just really. Take in everything. You know, that’s around you in the moment. And then there are a couple of affirmations you can try to. And take what you like leave the rest. if this is for you, use it. If not, that’s totally fine. It will not be offended. I surrender to life’s flow. Where I trust source or I trust the universe or I trust God will take me to where I need to be. This one’s my favorite. Everything is happening exactly. As it’s supposed to. Everything’s unfolding how it’s supposed to. Or here’s another really good one. That’s more of an, exercise too, It’s. as I breathe in, I hold the important things in my life. As I breathe out, I let go of what doesn’t serve me. That one’s really nice. One to try. It really helps bring that into your awareness too. Next is to really get to know what your fears are. Get to know your limiting beliefs control is rooted in fear. It’s we try to control because we’re afraid of something happening or not happening. We fear the outcome. So in some way, And like I said before, actions of control are really there to avoid feeling the uncomfortable feelings that fear brings up. So first of all, just ask yourself, what are you afraid of? Just kind of spitball it in your mind or on, in a journal, like what things scare you and what things cause you to kind of cling on to wanting things, to be a certain way. You know, in the case of divorce, and that kind of thing, relationships are you afraid of being alone? do you have a belief that says I’m not worthy? If I’m not in a relationship where I’m not. Good enough if I’m not in a relationship. Or are you afraid of. losing money. Are you afraid of not having money? Do you have a belief that says, there’s never enough. Money is scarce. So that just led me to my next point, which is what are you believing that makes you afraid? So, kids in college. Like that example of my son. Maybe I’m believing that. Kids in college are crazy and they do stupid things. And then failing to think, oh, well, my son has a good head on his shoulders and he’s going to make mistakes, but that’s his job to figure that out. It’s my job to help guide him. But. You know, he’s at an age now where. I do have to let go. Or jobs, you know, are you believing that. You’re not going to have any money or, you know, if you it’s too, it’s risky not to do things the way that everyone else thinks you should do. are you believing that. Everyone thinks you’re stupid for leaving your job. and that’s also. search for validation. we also have stories. I talk about capital S stories on the show a lot, but we have stories that we have about ourselves and the way the world works. So maybe we have it. I’m not capable of. Building my business to the point where I can support myself story or things don’t work out for me or or I never follow through. Those could be stories you have about yourself. Or you can have stories about other people too, like, this is not true of my son, but he hasn’t always made the best choices or he doesn’t have what it takes to handle this. You know, you might think some of those things, those might be stories you have about someone else. And when you’ve identified those fears, those limiting beliefs, it’s it’s great work to be able to build up some more empowering beliefs that serve you better. just because you have a belief in your head does not make it true. You always have the ability to question those. And most of the time they are not true. They’re just. A belief or a story that we’ve brought with us through childhood. Back from when we were kids and we didn’t really have the ability to discern whether something was fact or the opinion of an adult. So you can always question those. journal on all of this stuff. It’s so helpful. Cause you, or at least for me, and a lot of the clients I work with, like, we find that. When we get into these, these scenarios, there’s a lot of stuff spinning in her head. And very few people are able to really sort that out. Mentally. So I highly recommend journaling. Even if you think you don’t like to journal, or even if you don’t think that you can keep it up. You need to try it because it really, really, really is a game changer in this regard. I have two more. The next one is just working on allowing feelings, uncomfortable feelings. you start with becoming aware of a feeling so. You know, I would recommend starting with your situation, your, your example that you’ve carried with you through this episode. And think about it. What are you feeling with it? What do you normally do when you feel that way with it? So instead of that right now, you’re going to just sit there with it. You’re going to let it come up and you’re going to just have awareness of it. You’re going to stay with it. and then let it run its course because they always do feelings. Always do so let it run its course without trying to control it or manipulate it. without wanting it to be different or make it different or, you know, to do anything about it, let it just be there. And when you’ve got it there, when you’re tuned into it, where do you feel it in your body? That’s helpful. I think. And then focus on the energy of it. And letting that energy out. Like a balloon. So sit with that. Where do you feel it in your body? What does that energy feel like? And then just imagine it. All the energy just. Going out of it, like a balloon it’s not resistance. It’s just letting it move through and its own time. Allow it. And you’ll see that it’s just a feeling. One of my therapists. She said to me, once feelings are like waves, you know, they, they always change. They, they get big and they feel scary and then they roll away. And then another one comes. it’s letting go of feelings really is what it is at the end of the day. Allowing those waves to just pass. So I have an exercise to end this episode. So you’re in a car don’t close your eyes. You can still do it. But don’t close your eyes, please. That would be bad. So, what I want you to do is, if you’re, if you’re sitting somewhere where you can close your eyes, close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths. so I want you to picture. A mountain, a big mountain. That you’ve got to climb. And then I want you to picture whatever it is that. You know, your, your thing that’s in front of you. That is. Is causing you. You know, attachment that you’re clinging to that. You’re trying to control that you’re having a hard time letting go of. You know, picture that scenario. And now I want you to add, you’ve got a backpack on, I want you to add weight. Add weight. As you think about this problem or this thing that you’re having a hard time surrendering to. Depending on how big it is. Keep adding weight to your backpack until you kind of feel like you’re carrying the weight of it. Okay. So now I want you to imagine yourself hiking with that. Really heavy backpack. How does that feel? Well, it feels heavy. Right? What else? What else, what else comes up? How does that feel? Now I want you to picture just throwing the whole thing off. You know, say you’re hiking with your going up that mountain with 50 pounds on your back. 50 pounds on your back is that’s a decent amount of weight. Especially up a mountain. So picture yourself, throwing that off, just checking it off you now you’re free. How does that feel? How does it feel to have that weight off your back? Does it feel like freedom a little bit more? what comes up for you when you think about that? What does that feel like in your body when you feel like taking all that weight off? And then I want you to think about possibility. Like, is it possible that you could do that with your specific example? Can you take some of that weight off? And that’s what letting go will do. So I love that exercise with the hike, the heavy backpack in the mountain top. It’s a good visualization. So give that a try. Okay. So just want to recap things a little bit, because we’ve covered a lot today. So first of all, just remember that we get stuck wanting to control things, you know, because we want things to be a certain way. We, we get attached. And just remember that it’s an illusion the only thing you can control is yourself. How you respond to something, how you deal with something. If you’ve got that. You can handle anything. So controlling other things is totally an illusion and it just really, even though you think you feel better, It’s really not feeling better. It’s just feeling different in a not great way. There’s a quote by Steve Ali and the quote is you must learn to let go release the stress. You were never in control anyway, so true, but we think we are. So just remember that even when you think you’re in control, you’re really not in control of other things. You’re only in control of yourself. we control to avoid feelings, which really vulnerability at the end of the day, in not knowing the outcome is, is vulnerable. But by trying to control that vulnerability, we’re really just replacing other feelings like stress and anxiety. And also this is beyond the scope of the episode, but vulnerability, there’s so many things about being vulnerable. That are valuable, like authenticity and connection. but remember that too, like that’s just part of. Being authentic is being able to let go and be who you are without trying to manipulate everything. It just feels so much better. Right. Letting go, surrendering to life’s flow. Accepting what is non attachment? it’ll allow you to find your inner peace, let it bubble to the surface. it allows you to trust in your intuition. it’s trusting in the process and the faith that, like I said before, the faith that everything will be okay. And you can handle whatever comes your way. It’s being in the moment. And really finding the space to surrender and let go allows more space to receive your intuition, which also guides you. In the right direction. helps you tune into your energy PS. And it gives you energy to focus on what’s the most important in your life and not the little things that don’t matter. Right. Like I said, it feels so much better. if you can, just for a moment, picture yourself. Trying to control and manipulate the situation that you’re you have in your mind. And how that feels. And then picture yourself releasing it like a balloon or throwing off the backpack, picture yourself. And then how does it feel when that’s gone? That weight has gone? Contrast that. Things go so much smoother. When you let go of your resistance. And just allowing them to happen. It just goes so much smoother. I speak from experience. If you have any questions or want to hear more of my examples of letting go. Because I’ve done it so many times and it takes a while to be comfortable with it. It takes courage to practice it. And through practicing it, you’ll gain confidence that you can let go and that you won’t die. And that’s always the goal, right? We don’t want to die. So with that, I hope this episode was helpful for you. And if you have any questions about it, please feel free to reach out to me via email or the contact form on my website. Have a great week friends and I will see you next week.
