In this episode I talk about RISE, my transformational retreat and letting go of the stuff that is keeping you stuck so you can create something better in your life.
Show Notes:
Welcome to EPISODE 102 of Real, Brave, & Unstoppable – `Letting Go to Create Something Better
I’m on retreat this week, working with several amazing, courageous women who want to change their lives into something better. But in order to have something better – something new – you must let go of the old. The old that keeps you stuck in your constricted bubble.
Listen to this episode as I talk about the process of letting go of what holds you back and rising into new possibilities for your life so you can create something even better.
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Other episodes:
- Ep 122: How to Take the High Road When People Say Mean Things About You
- Ep 121: 5 Ways to Make the Mirror Your Friend
- Ep 120: Getting Back on the Goals Bandwagon – Setting Better Goals
- Ep 119: Slow Down! How to Embrace Getting Still and Waiting Patiently
- How to Fix Your All-or-Nothing Thinking
The Real, Brave, & Unstoppable full episode catalog
Transcript:
Episode 102: Letting Go to Create Something Better in Your Life
Hello? Hello? Hello. My sweet friends. Welcome back to real brave and unstoppable for episode number 102. I’m recording this at the end of August. And when you listen to this, I will actually be leading a retreat. It will be the first day of this retreat called RISE, the live retreat experience. And at this retreat, I’m going to be leading several women into discovering a new possibility for their lives. So today I wanted to talk to you a little bit about this process and how, how we go from feeling stuck to shifting our pattern, shifting our energy. Into something that supports us in creating new results in our life. So I’m trained in several different coaching modalities, but the one that I spent approximately the last year really diving into was facilitated by my mentor and friend Darla LeDoux, who has been on the podcast before and she. Has a company called sourced and she has a certification program where she certifies people to be Sourced leaders and retreat masters. And the thing that I was really drawn to with Darla’s work is that she’s all about creating transformation, and from a place of shifting your energy field or shifting your patterns, shifting the thinking and feeling that happened in you first, so that you’re able to make changes, but then also maintain those changes. And I’m going to talk about that in today’s episode a little bit like how this whole process works. And the thing I love about approaching things this way is that you go really deep. With some of the other modalities that I use sometimes, they’re great. And they all have their purpose for sure. But sometimes they don’t really get at the deeper pattern or the deeper discomfort. They stay a little surface-y. And as a coach, it’s sometimes really, it’s sometimes difficult to go deep because you have to really be aware of. You know, what a client’s boundaries are and sort of, you know, make sure that they feel really safe and held in this. But it’s one of the ways when you’re not afraid to coach like this, people get such deeper results. Deeper results that are actually coming home to who they are when they do this work, instead of just changing a behavior and then having to maintain that behavior through like willpower or something. So I really, really, really love approaching my work this way. So at this retreat, these women I’m leading them through discovering something that’s hidden from their view that’s keeping them stuck in their lives. So they’ve made the commitment. They’ve said “there’s something that’s keeping me stuck and I don’t know what it is, but I’m at a place in my life where I see there’s a gap between where I am and where I want to be. And I’m willing to look at it.” that’s commitment. I’m willing to look at it. I’m willing to explore here and see what it is that’s hidden from And not everybody is ready for that commitment because exploring that space can uproot some things. It can mean that you have to let go (letting go to create something better) of some beliefs that were really safe to in the past that have kept you safe. All right. So today I’m going to talk all about this whole process that we’re delving into at this amazing retreat. And like I said, I’m recording this just over a week early, but when you hear this, we will be knee deep into starting our transformational few days at this gorgeous farmhouse in Dickerson, Maryland. It’s beautiful, Maryland is actually, it’s funny how quickly you can get into, you know, into Maryland and how quickly it gets quiet and farmy. Pretty. It’s kind of like where I grew up. It was a little more rural and of course not everywhere in Maryland is rural, but I’m just saying it doesn’t take you very long to get to that pretty serene kind of bucolic space. And that is where we are spending the next few days. And we have a lot of growth, a lot of fun, just a lot of great things planned. And, you know, I’m sorry that you’re not here with us, but you’ll have to catch the next one. So, first of all, let’s talk about being stuck. Have you ever said, I’m just going through the motions? Every day seems like it’s the same old, same old. Or you feel like you’re on a hamster wheel or maybe every day feels like Groundhog day. Any of those sound familiar? Well, the people that I work with or the people that I, even that I talked to that are considering working with me people, I get emails from social media messages from, I would say, I don’t even know the percentage, but it’s a huge percentage of people who have some comment related to that. They, you know, a lot of people just say, I just feel like I’m existing. I really want to feel alive and free. And so many people when we get to this place in life, you know, and we have kind of plugged into family life. If we have a family, kids and stuff, or, you know, if we don’t have kids, we’re kind of just used to our we’re in our routine. And then we get to this place where we feel like is this it? Isn’t there more? I don’t feel like this is amazing and I want to feel amazing. And so. Stuck stuckness. So many people feel stuck. Why do you feel stuck? Well, the biggest reason or the most logical reason is that you keep doing the same things over and over and over and over again. Obviously, you’re going to keep getting the same results. That’s why you’re stuck. Is because in order to get unstuck. You have to do something differently. You need to let go to create something better. And in terms of doing something differently, a lot of people don’t know what. What am I supposed to do differently? And that is because there’s something, there’s some block that is keeping you stuck. That’s hidden from your view. You don’t know what it is. And when you can’t see it, you can’t transmute that energetic block into something that is different. So you just stay doing what you know, which is the same thing. And then you keep getting the same results. So during the next few days at rise, the live retreat experience, my retreat participants, several women are working on transforming something that’s been holding them back in their lives this week. Like I said, they’re committed to making a change in their lives. They’re they’re willing to look at what it might be that is in their way. They’re present to the gap that’s between where they are now and where they want to be. And they know they want to close it and being present to the gap means that they desire something. They want something in their future, even if they’re not exactly sure what it is. They’re willing to start letting go so they can create something better. Most of them have a pretty good idea at least about how they want to feel. Which is just as helpful, really. And so being present to that desire means you’re bringing in that desire into your present moment, instead of just holding it out into the future as this like, you know, thing that doesn’t seem tangible or real. When you get present to it, it’s like you really sit with those feelings of discomfort that you have by not having it. So when you’re present to that gap and you see there’s something you desire that you don’t have right now, and you know that there’s something blocking you, something that’s holding you back from having that in your life, obviously you have to make some changes. And this is where a lot of people that don’t follow through on, you know, going through this transformation… This is where a lot of people get stuck. Because doing something different is scary. Letting go to create something better is scary. We’ve been doing, and I’m going to talk more about this in a little bit, but you know, we’ve been doing the same things for our entire lives and those things, those ways of doing things, ways of being, have been put in place because they’re safe for us. You know, it might be when we were young, we got yelled at for talking too much, for example. And so we, you know, decided It’s better to be seen and not heard. And so that impacts how we do things in our lives, but we’ve never really questioned it because that was just how we grew up. And before the age of seven, we’re not capable of discerning. Our brains just aren’t developed enough to be able to discern like, what’s really true and what’s not. So we just take the stuff on as it’s like, you know, we’re accumulating data, it’s like a computer program that’s just, you know, put into us. And unless we decide to stop that program and run a new one, we’re going to keep thinking the same stuff. And that of course gets you the same results. But it is scary to change it because it’s what we’ve known. And I also get that from a lot of clients. A lot of people I work with is the yeah, but this is all I’ve ever known. I don’t know how to be different. And that’s part of the, this transformational work is just experiencing different and then making it part of you. And we’ll talk about that too. So. I mentioned the block. The block, something that’s hidden from your view. That’s holding you back. It’s a, it’s a default pattern. So, what does this mean? In my world, in my, the modality that I use, we call it default energy. And it’s basically just it’s exactly that it’s a default pattern of how we’re being. And it’s, it’s the computer program running on automatic, you know, autopilot loop. Is that even a thing, but no, it’s just running. We’re not questioning it. We’re not stopping it to see if that program’s working. It’s just running, running, running, running, running. That’s the default. So the default is if we’re going to talk about it in terms of energy. It’s like a pattern, thoughts, feelings. Those sorts of patterns that we’ve developed in response to all of our experience in life. Like I talked about the example of when you’re little and someone tells you that you need to talk less. So you just, you decide to take on the belief that it’s better to be seen and not heard. Or maybe somebody once made fun of you in when you were wearing a swimsuit, maybe somebody called you chunky, and now you just believe that you’re chunky. You haven’t ever really stopped to consider what that means or what you’re comparing that to. But it’s just a default way of thinking about yourself. And there are some that, you I’m not going to go into an exhaustive list, but you know, there are some patterns behavior patterns, thoughts, feelings that are defaults that arise from trauma. And the gist of it is that all of these default patterns we have, the one thing that most of them have in common is that most of them have this like overarching strategy of survival or being successful. It’s a way of not failing or a way of, you know, not being made fun of or what it’s all like, like you see what I’m saying? It’s like a survival strategy. It’s like just the way we are. The familiar, you know, the familiar surroundings we’re in. It gets really comfortable when we’re in that default. And we may not be getting the results that we want, but the results we’re getting are the results we’re used to. So even though we might really crave something different and new, it’s so much easier to sit in these same results that we’ve been getting, cause we know what to do with those. We know what the risks are. We know what the rewards are and that other thing that’s out there we don’t know much about. So it feels risky even if that’s on a subconscious level. An example is, there are a lot of people that have a fear of success, and it sounds so counterintuitive, but I actually noticed this in myself earlier this year. Is that I asked myself about something and went well, what if I was successful at this? And I had this feeling that came up in my body, that was almost, I don’t want to call it a feeling of dread, but it was similar to that kind of, this sort of pit in my stomach kind of feeling. And I, I got curious about that. I explored it and I had this subconscious fear of like what happens if I’m successful at that, then I have to maintain it. So my brain, silly brain, was going forward thinking forward, like if I had this then, oh my gosh, I’d have this new problem. But that’s what kind of things I’m talking about is you know, what’s on the other side of our desire. It can subconsciously be really scary and we have all these thought loops and stuff running underneath there that are like, no, no, no hot stove. Stay away from that. So even if we think we want it or we know we want it, we still might be afraid of it. And that could be a block right there. And that’s a tricky one. But our default energy also really limits what’s available to us. And so the retreat that I’m leading is all about rising into a new possibility. So we’ve all been, you know, everyone here has been living with something that’s keeping them stuck and not seeing what’s possible. And so we’re removing the blocks so they can see a new possibility. So let’s talk about this new, the new energy, the new energy in my world, the modality that I am talking about is called sourced energy, and it’s really, it comes from your source or your higher self. It’s aligned with who you really are at a soul level. And when you’re in this energy or, you know, in these sorts of patterns, I don’t even want to call them a pattern because that makes it sound deep, a autopilot-y. And that’s not what sourced energy is about. So let’s talk about the new energy that you want to shift into so that you’re able to open yourself up to possibility. (Letting go to create something better) And in my world my mentor, she calls this sourced energy. Her company is called sourced, but sourced energy is like the energy that is truly aligned. It’s aligned with who you truly are at a soul level. It comes from your higher self, your heart, your intuition. I would say it’s how you are being when you come home to your heart. That’s how I would say it. It’s energy. It’s a place. It’s a way of being that feels very alive. You know, you’re not going to be in that hamster wheel, life is same old, same old place if you’re living from that sourced soul level, higher self heart centered energy. A lot of words for that. But being in this place also, it’s very expansive. It helps you take It allows you to take your blinders off and it helps you see what’s possible for you to experience in life. And it literally creates a different reality for you. Because you’re able to see so many other possibilities than where you’ve been stuck. And the very cool thing is that when you align yourself with something that you desire and you hold that, and you believe it’s possible. There’s really not a way that you can’t achieve that. That’s letting go to create something better. You can’t have what you desire. It might not be easy, but aligning yourself with it and believing that it’s possible. That enables you to literally create a different reality for yourself. So what happens when we shift into this new way of being? Well, this is transformation and transformation is when you get new awareness. That results in a permanent shift in how you show up and interact with life and the results that you receive in your life. And it, it literally shifts your way of being how you show up. And this is what we’re doing in these next few days at the retreat. We’re shifting how we show up. So the process of doing that. It’s pretty, pretty interesting. Really. I already talked about, you know, getting really present to what’s missing. The gap in between and being willing to see a different possibility. That’s the first part. The next part is you have to be willing to release control. You know, when you get out of your comfort zone, things can feel very out of control because you don’t know the outcomes anymore. There’s a lot of uncertainty that comes with it. So you need to be ready to see what’s hidden from your view. You have to be willing to see new possibilities. And in a retreat like this, there’s a very safe container, nonjudgmental container, safe space for us to do that. I also do it in one-on-one coaching. Again, it’s a safe space, nonjudgmental container where we can really explore the discomfort of not having what you desire, the discomfort of staying in that place of not having it. What’s underneath there as well as seeing the new possibilities to really explore powerfully. Basically we get attached to the default energy that is blocking our view because it’s, like I said, it’s familiar, it’s safe. We need to be letting go so we can crete something better. We know it’s a known quantity. And when you have this safe, non-judgemental container, you’re able to really explore. The control that you are attached to. Or just explore the attachment you have to this default energy that’s blocking your view of what’s really possible. But you get to explore that very deeply with guidance. And the reason that guidance is so helpful is that, there’s a couple of reasons. First of all, blind spots, like I mentioned that before their blocks, their blind spots, we all have them and they’re very difficult to see on our own, because they’re like, literally we have blinders on to them. And the second part of it is also, when you’re trying to explore this stuff on your own, you’re changing your way of being. And sometimes that really clashes with the other people in your life. Sometimes they’re not going to recognize your, you know, your higher self. They’re going to be so used to you acting in your default pattern. If you’re a people pleaser and you heal that and you shift your energy so that you know that you don’t need to be a people pleaser to have worth, the people who you were, people pleasing are gonna have something to say about that. They’re not going to like that. And so this is why having this help or having this guidance is so, so, so helpful as it keeps you on track. It keeps you going. So as we go through these next few days these women I’m working with will be held and supported in the new energy that they’re shifting into. That they’re, they’re transmuting this old pattern into this new energy, they’re dropping a lot of stuff, which we’ll talk about in this second. As they, you know, As they shift into this new, higher self way of being. Aligned way of being. And there’ll be held and supported in this container, but they’ll also be held and supported as they make their way back into the real world where it is hard to hold that sometimes because of the reasons I just mentioned. So now I want to talk a little bit more about the things that are hidden from your view or the things that are hidden from your view that keep you stuck. So there are a couple of ways to think about it, but the one I want to talk about is in terms of truths. So we have a small-t truth and a big-T truth. And the small T is the thing that is blocking you from seeing the other possibilities. It’s the thing that’s keeping you stuck in your comfort zone. And the small T is based on our life experiences. It’s something we can believe and understand with our rational mind. And it’s true based on the information that we have at hand. So some things that are small t’s are not actually truth. For example. If you go for a bike ride and you are riding a bike that it’s called, that’s called a fixie. Doesn’t have any gear shifting and you say, oh my God, that bike ride was so hard. It was so hilly. And then somebody that comes along that has this, you know, nice try bike with all the, you know, fancy gears and all the things. It’s like, yeah, that was, that wasn’t that bad. So, which is it? Well, each person has their small T. It’s it’s somewhere in between, right? Somebody is riding a bike that doesn’t have a lot of H is not giving them a lot of help to handle the hills and they might be a little out of shape. Right? So that’s their small t truth- that it’s a hilly hard bike ride. But the small T for the other person is like, oh, this is a super easy bike ride. So it’s just based on the information that you have at hand. To you it’s this. Or, you know, like I talked about earlier, the example of when you’re told you talk too much, or don’t talk too much. It’s better to be seen and not heard. Well, that’s a small T truth, right? Because that’s, that’s not necessarily true. That’s not true. Right. We all deserve a chance to be heard. But the small T is based on a lie that we believed without knowing that we agreed to it. We didn’t question it because it seemed like a fact. And when I talked earlier about before the age of seven, we just don’t have the brain capacity. You know, our brains not developed enough to know. So we just take in all the stuff, all the beliefs, we just take them on. And we build our whole lives, you know, we believe that from childhood. And it’s like to us, it’s true. I mean, our family believes it. We believe it. Everyone we know believes it. It’s like all the evidence and our brains always going to look for evidence for something that you know, is keeping it safe, keeping you safe. But. We never, we never looked to question it because, it’s keeping us safe. Like, you know, everyone else believes it. So we build our whole lives around keeping that lie in place because everything… in our brain wants everything to fit. Wants everything to make sense. It’s that control piece of things. So another example is I need to be perfect to have, you know, to have worth. Or I need to be in control all the time. Experiencing emotions takes me out of control. Or means I’m out of control. You get the idea, but now moving into the big T truth. That’s what’s true for us. Personally. Like what’s in alignment with our higher self. What’s true for us authentically. That truth is connected to source, our soul and like who we came here to be what we came here to do on this planet. That’s our big T. So it might mean instead of, I have to be perfect to have worth your big ch your big T is no one is perfect. I’m enough just as I am. And I’m not always going to be perfect and that’s okay. Or maybe it’s instead of, you know, having emotions makes me out of control. Maybe your big T is experiencing emotions is a part of being human. It doesn’t mean I’m out of control. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. And these emotions are serving a purpose and experiencing emotions is healthy. That might be our big T. One thing that’s really important to know is that where small t’s live, where there are small t’s teas.. There’s no room for a big T. So you can’t have them both at the same And we don’t often honor our big T truth because we don’t see it. It’s just simply because we don’t see it. It opposes our small T. So our small T is just like, it’s like, if, you know, when you look at something close up, it appears bigger than what’s far away. So it blocks the view of what’s far away if it’s right in line. It’s like that the small T is really big because it’s close to you. And you can’t really see past it to see your big T. And our small T’s feel really risky to let go. You know, we’ve created the small t’s to keep us safe, to belong, to fit in, to be part of society. And when we dismantle our small t’s or we can also refer to them as limiting beliefs, we, you know, put our connections at risk. We risk not belonging. We risk being criticized or ridiculed. We risk failing. But what’s really interesting. And Brene Brown talks about this a lot and I can’t remember the words she uses, but basically when we put up the walls, like energetic walls to keep us safe, that’s actually what stands between us and like true acceptance, true connection, true community. And what is that? That’s actually vulnerability, right? It’s vulnerable to let go of a small T because you’re opening yourself up to so much that feels out of your control. So, what is the process to get to your big T? Like how do we take that small T that’s blocking? Like, how do we get rid of that? Right. How do we do that? Well, basically, and I’m going To this a little deeper, but basically you have to give yourself a new experience which we’re doing on this Retreat. There are several touch points on this retreat. That are giving these women a new experience. The first one is committing. Committing to themselves right back when they signed up, that’s the first part. The second is the financial commitment. That’s another big part of it. To say I’m so willing to look at what’s hidden for my view, to look at what’s blocking me that I’m willing to put money on the line for that. That’s commitment. And then it’s making travel arrangements. I’m actually going to travel and take this time for myself to explore this, to get curious about it, because I really desire something different in my life. And I want to see new possibilities. And then during the retreat, you know, there are so many little touch points all along the way where these women are getting out of their comfort zones. They’re coming to a place, a strange place they’ve never been before. Dealing with airplanes with, you know, ground transportation, with people they’ve never met in person with a new, new environment to be staying in with food that they’re not making. And you know exercises and things that we’re going to be doing that ask them to really let go and kind of surrender. And so all of these things are a new experience. And at the retreat we’re really exploring the small t’s We’re exploring the small t’s. What is it? What is it that is keeping you from being who you’re meant to be? And we’re also exploring the big T’s, the truth, the big T truths in our safe non-judgemental container. And when we find what that new big T truth is, we’ll practice being in it. We haven’t experienced plan for day three, which I can’t tell you what it is because it hasn’t happened yet where we’ll rise into that new energy, the new way of being, and that’s that new experience where the participants get to really experience themselves in this new energy. And this is like the most exciting part because it feels so freeing and expansive and spacious. It’s where you rise above where other people expected you to stop. Where they’re like, what are you doing? If you find somebody saying, oh my gosh, you’re crazy. What are you doing? You know, you’re probably on the right track. (Letting go to create something better) I have some examples of this myself. Not going to share them right now, but it’s also where you break through bound, the boundaries of the default energy. Like, you know, you let yourself out of the shackles, you, you step fully into this new higher self way of being. And it’s where you get to create something new from this new, beautiful, fresh energy. It’s possibility. It’s seeing new possibilities. It’s expansive. It’s letting go to create something better. And you can’t create this new expansive being by just thinking about it. You have to create a new way of being around it, right? So you have to feel it and then start to put yourself in positions in your life where you can keep feeling it. So once you experience this new way of being and you get that taste of really tapping into your higher self, coming home to your heart. The next part of it is making that new energy, that new way of being a habit. Even when it’s hard. Building the neuropathways in the brain, the new ones. You’ve got some well-worn paths. So you’re going to it’s like when I was little, we had this dog named Rosie. And she would go over to the neighbor’s house and she would go through the same path every single time. Every single time. So over time she had worn this little diagonal path through like the ditch of going up to the neighbor’s house. It was like the same path. So, you know, for the neighbors, if they wanted to get rid of that path and like create a new one, let’s just say. That was a better direction or like, you know, nicer. They would have to, you know, put some grass seed over that one and tend to you know, try to keep covering it up, but they’d also have to keep making, or they’d also have to create like a new path for people to walk on, you know? And that would take some time to really get it grooved in. It’s like that. So you also have to really think about strengthening your nervous system to be able to handle the emotions that come up when things get hard. Because that I, I say to people a lot, like the worst thing that you’ll ever have to deal with is an emotion that’s hard. It’s really true when you think about it, I’ve tried to argue that that’s not true many times and I always keep coming back to the same thing that actually it is true- the worst thing that you ever have to deal with is an emotion that feels terrible. And so if you can strengthen your nervous system to be able to regulate those emotions, you can then be able to make that new way of being part of who you are. You get, it’s just getting more and more comfortable with it as you build the new neuropathways. This is letting go so you can create something better. But there definitely is a time factor or a work factor of integrating this new way of being into who you are. It’s building new habits. It’s making that new way of being part of the fabric of your being. It’s just who you are. So why is this so important to shift the energy field or the pattern, the way of being like, why is it so important to actually like dismantle it and create new ones instead of just like you know, just doing things a little differently, but keeping that one in case, just in case. Well, have you ever tried to achieve a certain result? Like losing weight is a really good example? Okay. So let’s say you try to lose weight and then you reach your goal. Only to feel, and maybe it has a short period of time where you feel great, but then very shortly after you feel just as unfulfilled as when you started. Yeah, I’ve had that happen before, back in the day, when, you know, I lost some weight and this was many, many, many years ago. And I felt really great for a little while. And then I felt like I got used to it. And then I felt like I was fat again. So, and I wasn’t. It’s just, I hadn’t even gained weight, but it was just like, my brain had to find something wrong. Right. So I never changed my way of being, I never changed like who I was being. I changed the external result. So you have to shift the underlying pattern first. When we want to change something in our lives, I just want to offer to you that what we really want to experience is a new energy or a new feeling. That’s how I would describe it. We set goals because of the feeling that we think we’re going to have when we reach what we desire. But if we don’t shift our energy field or our patterns first, we can do all the right things but just end up feeling just as crappy as when we started. And if we don’t shift that, we’re just going to create new results from the same energy. So in essence, we’re going to end up getting the same results at the end of the day in just a different circumstance. So here’s an example of that. I’ve talked to people before and I’ve been in the situation before where I haven’t liked a job. And I just want to get out, want to get out, want to get out. Cause I hate it. And me and the other people that I’ve talked to didn’t really get curious about why. Why do I not like this job? Is it the, you know, the work? Is it the people? Is it the schedule? Like what exactly is it? So, so then I leave the job, I get a different job, but then I, at the new job I find out, oh, I have the same things I don’t like. So I’m just taking my way of being to a new job. And so the problems are really just following me. Same thing with relationships. If you ever break up with somebody and then go immediately into a new relationship, chances are you’re going to end up in the same patterns you did before. So that’s why we want to shift that energy. Shift that way of being so then we can create our results from a new place. That’s letting go to create something better. And that my friends is how we avoid Groundhog day and the hamster wheel. And the not feeling alive, feeling like we’re going through the motions. This isn’t usually something that you can do on your own. Trust me from experience. If you knew what your blocks were you probably already would have removed them. And there’s also this thing called the law of sacrifice, which says that you have to give up something of a lower nature to receive something of a higher nature. But the lower nature thing we have is comfortable. And it’s like grasping on so tightly because you’re nervous or afraid of what’s around the corner. And you don’t know though that around the corner, there’s this amazing view. You just can’t see it yet. So we hang on to these patterns because they’re familiar and we can’t see how things are going to be around the corner. So the thing about this is, is when we hang on to those things of a lower nature, the familiar things, there are benefits, right? It’s our default, it’s comfortable. We know how things are going to turn out. We know how the world’s going to respond to us. It’s safe. We’re in control. We get to be right. We don’t have to look bad. But there are also costs. And when I do this exercise with clients, I’ve done it myself with my coach. But people, clients I’ve worked with have reported things like, you know, their, their benefit is costing them joy, empowerment, freedom, creativity. Play connection, ease, flow, feeling alive. You know, like when I do this exercise with people, the one benefit might be, I don’t have to take responsibility for something or I get to be right. But on the other side of that is, I get to be right, but I’m not experiencing joy. I don’t feel free. I don’t feel like there’s ease in my life. I don’t feel like I love myself. And so then we look at would it be worth giving up, having to be right. Getting to look right or not look bad. In order to have these things? And our logical mind. Or maybe it’s even just our heart says, well, absolutely. It would be worth it. Would absolutely be worth it to give up that thing. Because on a, at some level, we know that we’re not always right or sometimes we might look bad or sometimes we might not be in control. Or sometimes we really don’t know how things are going to turn out anyway. But there’s something that keeps us clinging to the benefit. So on a heart level. Like we know, we know it’s worth it. So we need to just open. We need to soften. We need to be willing to look at that. Our default way of being, it relies on who we have been. And we’ve been that for a long time. So to release the control is really scary because that’s our identity. But, you know, when things get uncomfortable, when you try to transform something in your life. When things get uncomfortable, just remember that we’re not losing who we are. What we’re really doing is releasing an attachment to our default pattern. And if you think about it in terms of like I’m willing to let go of how I’ve always been or how I’ve always interacted with life. Or a situation like this, because now. I’m aware that the patterns that I’ve had, the small T truths that I’ve had all this time aren’t working to get me what I desire in my life. So it’s really sitting with that. Are you willing to let go of the way that you’ve always been? If on the other side of that means that you get to have the results you desire. If you’re willing to look at that, let’s talk. I can help you. This is what I do, friends. And like I said, It’s really hard to do it on your own. And the result when you actually learn how to see what your small t’s are, when you have the help, the guidance, it’s not learning how to see them, but it’s having somebody guide you to show you, to show you your mind, to show you your blind spots. And. I’ve had some of the biggest transformational points in my life through somebody guiding me to do that. To to see my small t’s. To see my blind spots. And then not only that, but just to help me see what the big T truth is, what is my truth? What is my truth? To help me get out of my head and come home to my heart to find that. Because that’s where you find the big T truth… is in your heart, not your brain. Not your brain. Hm. So before I go, I want you to breathe with me. Breathe into that. Put your hands on your heart if it feels in flow, take a nice deep breath in. And sigh it all out. My friends. Thank you for tuning in today. I am holding all of you in my heart. As I walk these amazing women at rise, the live retreat experience through their own transformation. And I’m sure I’ll be talking to you about how the retreat went in a couple of weeks. If you’d like to chat with me about how I can help you find your small teas and transmute that, those energy patterns into something that is more helpful in you living the life that you really want, go ahead and visit kortneyrivard.com/lets-talk and we can schedule a call and talk all about it. That’s an absolutely obligation free call and I would love to chat. Okay. With that have a great rest of your week. And I will see you next week.
